


Another Annoying Group-Chat Fic

by bigppNRG



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Cussing, F/F, Group chat, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Sex Jokes, Unrequited Crush, Why Did I Write This?, most of them - Freeform, no offense but highschool kids love sex jokes and cussing, oikawa gets (lovingly) cyberbullied, rare pairs will come later, theyre highschool boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25369942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigppNRG/pseuds/bigppNRG
Summary: matsubrows has renamed the chat to fuck oikawa livesstarboi.kawa: ok well,starboi.kawa: i didnt come here to get bulliedmatsubrows: you didnt come here at allhoemakki: lmao u werent even invited
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Azumane Asahi/Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Michimiya Yui/Shimizu Kiyoko, Yamaguchi Tadashi/Terushima Yuuji
Comments: 40
Kudos: 239





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> are there already way too many haikyuu group chats fics? yes, yes there are. do i care? apparently not

matsubrows has added iwaizumi, hoemakki, yeehawba, and (5) more to Unnamed Chat

iwaizumi: why is this a thing we’re doing

matsubrows has made hoemakki an admin

watariswet: i fear

hoemakki: :p

maddog: nope

maddog has left

hoemakki has added maddog

hoemakki: no one leaves uwu

matsubrows: uwu

killme: i wanna die

yeehawba: waitwait i know who the others are but

yeehawba: who are you??

killme: depression

yeehawba: ...well that’s upsetting

maddog: that’s the point dumbass

yeehawba: watch :)) ur fucking :)) tone :))

maddog: there is no tone, we’re texting

iwaizumi: kyoutani be nice

maddog: sorry

yeehawba: yo wHAT THE FUCK

hoemakki: oikawa really is rubbing off on you, yahaba-kun~

yeehawba: i will eat your toes

matsubrows: this is all going great already i love it

yuuutaruuuu: wait

yuuutaruuuu: OOOH OH OH IS this the volleyball team?

killme: why yes it is bby, is it to your liking? do you need help with anything? we can leave if you dont want to be around these idiots no one is stopping us

matsubrows: actually, we are

yuuutaruuuu: ???

hoemakki: leaving is forbidden

killme: stfu ill spike a volleyball down your throat

yeehawba: thats kunimi isnt it

yuuutaruuuu: wait akira hold on

killme: ,,,holding on

yuuutaruuuu: ...dont

yuuutaruuuu: dont kill our senpais, please

killme: ok

hoemakki: simp

watariswet: that’s kunimi

killme: no

killme: fuck off

yeehawba: really? what gave it away

iwaizumi: the amount of cussing in the chat is amazing

hoemakki: FUCK SHIT BITCH CUNT ASS

matsubrows: shut up you whore

hoemakki: sorry matsu unu

matsubrows: make it up to me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

hoemakki: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

iwaizumi: s t o p

maddog has left

matsubrows has added maddog

maddog: i WANT TO FUCKING LEAVE

yeehawba: lmao suffer

maddog: im going to strangle you

hoemakki: jokes on u he’s into that

iwaizumi: what is wrong with you there are children in this chat

watariswet: its me

watariswet: im children

yeehawba: ur like 17

watariswet: listen bro i dont judge YOUR choking kink

matsubrows: he’s not denying being into it

iwaizumi: maybe he’s doing what the rest of us do when you talk

iwaizumi: pretending you dont

matsubrows: cruel

hoemakki: yeah yeah hush iwa

hoemakki: we’re exposing yahaba’s kinks

matsubrows: it’s always the sweet ones that end up being the kinkiest

maddog: sweet???? who???? yahaba?????

watariswet: didnt he offer to eat your toes?

yeehawba: :p

hoemakki: i mean,,,

watariswet: stop right there

matsubrows: yahaba

matsubrows: yahaba

hoemakki: yahaba

matsubrows: do you admit to having a choking kink

hoemakki: yahaba

yuuutaruuuu: i think he blocked you

matsubrows: wait tell him to unblock us

yeehawba: what do you want

hoemakki: would you really eat my toes for me babe?

matsubrows: wait no wrong kink

yeehawba: blocked

hoemakki: damn

iwaizumi: where’s oikawa shouldn’t he be in the chat?

maddog: no

killme: no

matsubrows: we have made the important decision to NOT involve oikawa in this chat

iwaizumi: fucking why?

killme: iwaizumi: the amount of cussing in this chat is amazing, watch it in front of the kids  
matsukawa: yeah so no oikawa  
iwaizumi: what the /fuCk/

hoemakki: awww do you want dear ol’ captain in this chat iwaizumi?~

yeehawba: i do

matsubrows: we know yahaba

maddog: i dont want him here

hoemakki: we know maddog

iwaizumi: ill count down from five and when i get to 0 he better be in the chat

iwaizumi: 5

matsubrows: uhhhh u dont scare us

hoemakki: he doesn’t?

iwaizumi: 4

killme: lmao it was not nice knowing you fuckers

maddog: good fucking riddance

hoemakki: bro idk he kinda scares me bro

iwaizumi: 3

matsubrows: wait,

iwaizumi: 2

hoemakki: matsu i fear

iwaizumi: 1

matsubrows has added starboi.kawa to Unnamed Chat

killme: pussies

maddog: id be more annoyed if that wasnt fucking amazing

yeehawba: we get it you have a huge hard-on for iwaizumi-san

watariswet: doesnt everyone in this chat have a little thing for iwaizumi tho

killme: can confirm

starboi.kawa: hmmm? what’s this?

iwaizumi: group chat

matsubrows: iwaizumi begged us to let you into so you should be grateful, captain

watariswet: “begged”

maddog: more like he vaguely threatened you and you pussies caved in

hoemakki: maddog busted a nut watching iwaizumi’s alpha male energy

iwaizumi: wtf no

yeehawba: gross but probably true

maddog: im gonna bust your eyes

starboi.kawa: awwww iwachan i knew you couldn’t live without me~~~

iwaizumi: no i just want to watch everyone cyberbully you instead of doing homework

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN WHAT THE FUCK

matsubrows has renamed the chat to fuck oikawa lives

starboi.kawa: ok well,

starboi.kawa: i didnt come here to get bullied

matsubrows: you didnt come here at all

hoemakki: lmao u werent even invited

yeehawba: guys dont be mean :((

maddog: we get it u have the biggest fucking hard-on for oikawa ok we get it you love oikawa we get it you love him ok we GeT It

starboi.kawa: wh

yeehawba: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I HAVE A CRUSH ON OIKAWA

yuuutaruuuu: you dont?

yeehawba: NO???

iwaizumi: ew who would

maddog: yes the fuck he does

hoemakki: i smell jealousyyyyyy~

maddog: im amazed you can smell anything between all the shit that comes out your mouth

yeehawba: and the amount of ass you suck

watariswet: ^ when the two saltiest attack

hoemakki: this is assault and i blame it all on oikawa

matsubrows: see look at what youve done oikawa

starboi.kawa: I BR E A THE D

killme: truly disgusting and tiresome

yeehawba: actually i dont like oikawa so stfu and stop putting words in my mouth you ass

hoemakki: yeah, put something else in his mouth

yeehawba: im going to put my fist in yours, senpai~

matsubrows: kinky

maddog: bless you

killme: um

maddog: shut up my dog sneezed i meant to say fuck you but i got distracted

hoemakki: awww you bless your dogs? thats so cute

watariswet: when he’s a secret softie

maddog: stfu i will spike a volleyball to your face asshole

yuuutaruuuu: one time u told us oikawa wasn’t so bad once we got to know him

killme: trust levels went way down

iwaizumi: he only gets worse once u get to know him

starboi.kawa: iwachan that hurts :((

yeehawba: lmao we all know ur nothing but a softie hiding behind a hard exterior kyoutani

maddog: the only thing soft about me is my dick when i think of you

iwaizumi: okAY

yuuutaruuuu: oh shit

hoemakki: language!!11!1

yeehawba: youre dead tomorrow, kyoutani :)

maddog: whatever u say pretty boy

yeehawba: awww you called me pretty

yeehawba: i guess that part about you being soft for me was a lie?~

watariswet: when they flirt

killme: watari what are you doing?

hoemakki: your mom

watari: nO

matsubrows: nice double kill! 

iwaizumi: ok ok ok

iwaizumi: lets turn it down and keep it pg

iwaizumi: we have a watari and a kindaichi in this chat

killme: did you not see the part where he cursed orrrr

iwaizumi: he did what.

hoemakki: kunimi dear, you just exposed him~

killme: just wait, oikawa or you will do something worse

starboi.kawa has sent (1) attachment

iwaizumi: HWOWHAT DID I SJUST SAY

killme: see

watariswet: DUUED WAT THWYA FUCK MAN

hoemakki: AYYYYYYE NICE ABS BRO

matsubrows: NGL THATS A PRETTY CUTE NUDE

maddog: THIS IS WHY NOBODY WANTED HIM IN HERE

starboi.kawa: I DIDNT MEANT O SEND THAT HERE

starboi.kawa: HOW SDO I UNDEND

iwaizumi: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SENDING NUDES TO???

watariswet: IM ESCAREED SOEMONE HOSL ME

starboi.kawa: SHUT UP IGNORE IT

starboi.kawa: PUSH IT UP

starboi.kawa: MAKE IT GET OUTTA FRAME

starboi.kawa: NO ONE SXROLLS ANYWAYS

starboi.kawa: SPAM THE CHAT

starboi.kawa: WHY IS NO ONE SPAMMING THE CHAT

matsubrows: watching you freak out is funny

hoemakki: BRO THERES NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF ITS A NICE PIC

starboi.kawa: U STFU

iwaizumu: ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP

iwaizumi: WTF THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THIS CHAT DUMBASSES STOP TALKING ABOUT NUDES

starboi.kawa: I DIDNT MEAN TO IWACHAN PLEASE

iwaizumi: IM GONNA FUCKING MURDER YOU WHEN I SEE YOU NEXT

iwaizumi: DO YOU FUCKING THINK???? EVER????

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN PLEASE!!!! IM MORTIFIED

watariswet: YOURE MORTIFIED???????

watariswet: IM SCARRED FOR LIFE

hoemakki: bro this aint about you tho

howmakki: im feelin blessed tbh

yeehawba: I DO

yeehawba: I SCROLL

starboi.kawa: WELL FUCKING DONT????

iwaizumi: why is this my life why do i know you why couldnt i have made better life choices in my life so it didnt lead up to this point right fucking here where i get flashed through the phone i just

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN LISTEN

iwaizumi: N O GO AWAY

hoemakki: yall we literally share a changing room

hoemakki: dont lie and tell me you haven’t checked oikawa’s flat ass out

starboi.kawa: im not even flat!!!

killme: but you are a liar, nice

iwaizumi: this

iwaizumi: THIS ISNT THE SAME

killme: petition to kick oikawa out of the chat?

maddog: signed

watariswet: ^^^^^^^^^

hoemakki: tbh he wasnt supposed to be here in the first place

starboi.kawa: GUYS WAIT NO

matsubrows: NO WAIT BEFORE YOU KICK HIM

matsubrows: WHO WERE YOU TRYING TO SEND NUDE PICS TO

starboi.kawa: ur mom

matsubrows: ok and im kicking him

starboi.kawa: DONT

starboi.kawa: SHUT UP IM ACTUALLY ABOUT TO CRY

killme: its not even a nude oh my god you’re all so extra

hoemakki: fair’s fair

matsubrows: i give it a 4/10

starboi.kawa: DONT RATE MY NUDE???

hoemakki: its not a nude, it’s just a shirtless mirror pic, therefore we shall rate it and matsu has so generously given you a 4

yeehawba: that’s still a failing grade?

starboi.kawa: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

matsubrows: youve got small nips

iwaizumi: shut. your. fucks.

maddog has sent (7) attachments

killme: this is nice

hoemakki: AWWWWWWWW

maddog: i thought maybe pictures of my dogs could purge the sin of the chat

iwaizumi: thank you kyoutani, these are very nice, i like them very much

maddog: mh

maddog: i gave them a bath like 10 minutes ago

yeehawba: tmw kyoutani out of everyone has to bring innocence to the chat

maddog: ???

yeehawba: no offence,

yeehawba: but well you’re… you

hoemakki: there it is

maddog: im fucking offended.

yeehawba: i said “no offence”

maddog: HOW IS THAT NOT OFFENSIVE

yeehawba: BECAUSE I SAID NO OFFENCE??

matsubrows: he makes an excellent point there maddog

hoemakki: i agree with my colleague here that that IS a good point 

matsubrows: he did in fact say no offence

matsubrows: therefore everything after that is purely your fault

killme: purely

maddog: literally shut the FUCK up

yeehawba: BE RESPECTFUL TO YOUR FUCKING SENIORS

maddog: RIGHT LET ME JUST SHOW ALL MY RESPECT FOR NUDIST BOY OVER THERE

starboi.kawa: NO WEVE MOVED ON SHUT UP

watariswet: WE HAVE NOT MOVED ON SOMEONE NEEDS TO PAY FOR ALL THE THERAPY IM GONNA NEED AFTER THIS???

yeehawba: good one shinji

watariswet: THIS AINT A FUCKING JOKE MAN

hoemakki: NUDIST BOY HE SAYS

hoemakki: GOOD ONE MADDOG

maddog: dont talk to me

iwaizumi: everyone needs to stop saying fuck already. read a dictionary.

matsubrows: instructions unclear, oikawa put his dick it in

starboi.kawa: I WOULD NEVER???

killme: sure jan

starboi.kawa: the amount of negative energy in this chat is astronomical

maddog: the amount of idiocy from you is elephantine

hoemakki: wh- what.

starboi.kawa: MEAN MADDOGCHAN

yeehawba: stop being so disrespectful you ass

maddog: why

yeehawba: hhhhHHHHHHWHAT DO YOU MEAN WHE Y

yeehawba: THEYFRE FOUR FUCKING SNEAPI R YOU SHEULD BE FUCKEIBG

yeehawba: IMD FONANA STRANGELE Y YOU

killme: he’s fine he just had a stroke

iwaizumi: this was a mistake

starboi.kawa: what was?

killme: you

maddog: joining this fucking team

hoemakki: making this chat

iwaizumi: adding you to the chat

matsubrows: oh so NOW you regret adding him? where was this attitude when we made the chat???

matsubrows: where was this attitude when you put our lives on a five second timer iwa??? huh???

hoemakki: smh fake friends

iwaizumi: shut the fuck up

starboi.kawa: CAN EVERYONE NOT HATE ON ME FOR 2 SECONDS PLS IM SENSITIVE

matsubrows: nah

hoemakki: stop being sensitive

maddog: fuck you

yeehawba: dw i still think you’re a good senpai

starboi.kawa: awww thank you my most precious and favorite kouhai i knew there was a reason i chose you as my favorite

yeehawba: even if ive lost all respect for you

starboi.kawa: H???!?!?!IwoOEHWOW?

starboi.kawa: I TAKE IT BACK YOURE NO LONGER MY FAVORITE

yeehawba: ok

killme: ouch

matsubrows: ^

killme: i hate that little thing never do it again

matsubrows: ^

hoemakki: ^

matsubrows: ^

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN!!

hoemakki: ^

starboi.kawa: DEFEND MY HONOR!!

matsubrows: ^ what honor?

yuuutaruuuu: hey guys!!! sorry i couldnt answer i had to walk the cat ^^

killme: and i no longer hate ^s

yuuutaruuuu: so what’s up?

starboi.kawa: NOTHING

iwaizumi: NOTHING

watariswet: NOTHING??

watariswet: NOTHING?????

starboi.kawa: i’ll pay the bills if you stfu!

watariswet: nothing much kindaichu u sweet innocent lil baby bean, wby? :)

hoemakki: lmaoo

yeehawba: hey kindaichi

yuuutaruuuu: hi!!

maddog: you walk your cat?

yuuutaruuuu: well uh yeah it’s dangerous for cats to just go roaming around and i dont want her lost or hurt or eating something bad yknow

yuuutaruuuu: plus it’s healthy and she likes walks so yeah, we go on walks every night

maddog: yknow what fair

killme: marry me

starboi.kawa: simp

killme: mhm dont forget everyone here has blackmail on you :)

starboi.kawa: WAIT IT WAS A TYPO I MEANT SAME*

iwaizumi: i want a new fucking team

[21:19] fuck oikawa lives

matsubrows: so i had an idea

hoemakki: i seconded the idea

matsubrows has changed their name to idea?

hoemakki has changed their name to idea

killme: no fuck off your ideas suck

idea?: name ONE time

killme: this chat

watariswet: when he’s got you there

starboi.kawa: i wanna know the idea

idea: oh you, my lovely captain, are going to love the idea ;);););))

starboi.kawa: ...yknow i dont think i will

idea: ;)))))))))))))) dw ;)))))))))

iwaizumi: why the fuck is everyone awake

killme: tweedle dee and tweedle dum had an idea

starboi.kawa: iwachan what do you mean? it’s only 9:30?

iwaizumi: yeah and you could use the beauty sleep uglykawa

starboi.kawa: ok lISTEN CALLING YOU UGLY IS MY THING WTF IWACHAN

idea?: so the idea,

killme: no

idea: damn it must suck to have no one care kunimi :p

killme: ud know all about that :pp

idea: :pppppp

watariswet: i have never seen passive aggressive :p faces before

idea?: DUDE

idea: OK RIGHT SO THE IDEA

idea: WE DECIDED BECAUSE WE WERE ALL SO MEAN TO OIKAWA EARLIER

idea: WE WANTED TO GIVE HIM A GIFT

starboi.kawa: ok but you don’t really have to

idea?: oh but we want to :))

starboi.kawa: no really guys its fine

starboi.kawa: you dont have to

starboi.kawa: dont :))

maddog: can we fucking get on with it so i can go to bed

yeehawba: lmao u go to bed at 9:30?

maddog: eat my entire foot

idea?: kinky

idea: matsu IF YOU WILL

idea? has added kagayama

starboi.kawa: Wait.

idea has added ushijima

starboi.kawa: I SAID WWAI T

starboi.kawa: NO NO NO NO NO NO

starboi.kawa: STOP

starboi.kawa: I SEE YOU TYPIBG DONT DAY ANTRUBF

starboi.kawa: USHIJSEAJMA I AWEAR

ushijima: Hello.

starboi.kawa has left

iwaizumi: OHSHIT FINCANT FUCKFING BRATHE


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iwaizumi: i really hate this team
> 
> yuuutaruuuu: :((
> 
> iwaizumi: except you, kindaichi
> 
> starboi.kawa: :c
> 
> iwaizumi: especially you, shittykawa
> 
> starboi.kawa: (ಥ﹏ಥ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minor spoilers for the last chapter of the manga in the end notes so watch out

[21:49] fuck oikawa lives

ushijima: I don’t understand. Why did he leave?

idea: he’s shy

iwaizumi: GSY PLS

yeehawba: iwaizumi-san are you okay?

iwaizumi: I CAN HEAR HSIM S CREAMKNG FROM THE WINDOW SOMEONE ADD HIM BACK PLEAEE

idea: already on it (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

idea has added starboi.kawa

starboi.kawa has left

idea has added starboi.kawa

starboi.kawa has left

idea has added starboi.kawa

starboi.kawa: LEAVE ME ALONE

idea: i can do this all day bby ;););))

killme: yknow i would like this gift more if kageyama werent here

idea: A TWO FOR ONE! :D

kagayama: ...um

starboi.kawa: stfu no one asked u anything

iwaizumi: IM ANDTUAKLY GCRYING THIDS DO GOOD

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN GET! ON! MY! SIDE!

starboi.kawa: I CAN HEAR YOU CACKLING FROM MY WINDOW ITS NOT! NICE! OR ATTRACTIVE!

starboi.kawa: NO THAT DOESNT MEAN THROW THINGS AT MY WINDOW!! IWACHAAAAAAAAN

ushijima: May I ask why I’m here?

starboi.kawa: no!!!

starboi.kawa: no you cant!!!

idea?: im so glad you have

starboi.kawa: no!!!

idea: see we, as a collective, really hurt oikawa’s feelings earlier today

starboi.kawa: no you didnt!!!!!

idea: and we wanted to make it up to him by adding his favorite people to this chat!!

starboi.kawa: i want new friends

starboi.kawa: i want a new team

starboi.kawa: i want a divorce

ushijima: This wouldn’t have happened if you had come to Shiratorizawa. 

kagayama: ur married?

idea?: u have friends?

starboi.kawa has left

idea has added starboi.kawa

starboi.kawa: GUYS PLS IM GOING TO CRY WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU

watariswet: YOU NEED TO ASK?

watariswet: YOU STOLE MY INNOCENCE

yeehawba: you never had that

watariswet: stfu this is my monologue

starboi.kawa: I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS????

kagayama: idk u almost slapped me that one time

idea: GA SP

idea?: how DARE you

killme: no offence but that sounds fucking hilarious

kagayama: idk who you are but like

kagayama: die

killme: HA

killme: jokes on you i want to die

yuuutaruuuu: we’ve talked about this

killme: no u talked

killme: i fell asleep with my eyes closed

kagayama: then live

killme: that’s so rude and offensive and i hope you choke on a volleyball

idea: so we’re just gonna ignore the fact that oikawa almost slugged a kid

starboi.kawa: OK ONE, SLAP NOT PUNCH

starboi.kawa: TWO, LISTEN IT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS LIKE 10 AND STRESSED

iwaizumi: ok actually

starboi.kawa: BESIDES

starboi.kawa: I DIDNT EVEN HIT HIM

kagayama: iwaizumi-san had to stop you

starboi.kawa: but i never hit you

kagayama: but you sure tried

starboi.kawa: but i didnt :))

kagayama: but its the thought that counts

starboi.kawa: the thought that counts is i will strangle u rn :)) if :)) u :)) dont :)) stfu :)))))))))

idea: //GASP//!/!

idea: O I K AW A

idea: WHAT KIND OF SENPAI THREATENS HIS DEAR KOUHAI

killme: flashbacks to when u threatened me

idea: hush dear the adults are talking

staboi.kawa: MY ONLY KOUHAI IS YAHABA

watariswet: i dont think that’s how that works?

yeehawba: idk im cool with it

maddog: sorry cant hear u around oikawa’s dick

yuuutaruuuu: W H A T

watariswet: WH A T THE FUCK MAN I DONT NEED THAT PICTURE OF MY BEST FRIEND

idea?: youre the weird one for picturing it

maddog: hes a suck up

kagayama: oh

killme: jfc

iwaizumi: THE CHILDREN

iwaizumi: KYOUTANI THINK OF THE CHILDREN

maddog: im thinking of them

maddog: its awful

yeehawba: im going to spike a ball into ur face :)

maddog: lmao alright noodle arms ill fake being hurt if it helps ur feelings

yeehawba: I DONT HAVE NOODLE ARMS

ushijima: Oikawa and...”Yeehawba” are together?

starboi.kawa: YOU SHUT THE UP FUCK

yeehawba: FIRST OF ALL THAT FELT REALLY JUDGEMENTAL SO FUCK YOU

watariswet: when theyre on the same wavelength

yeehawba: SECOND OF ALL NO!??!!?!

iwaizumi: No.

idea: :p

maddog: yes

yeehawba: stOP

ushijima: There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you are. Congratulations!

starboi.kawa: IM GOING TO HAVE AN ANUERISM

starboi.kawa: IM GONANA HVE A HEART ATTACK AND DIE

killme: have fun

kagayama: ok

iwaizumi: stop being so dramatic

idea?: i love having good ideas

ushijima: Did I say something?

kagayama: so do i have to stay

idea?: idk man you do you

maddog: then im leaving too

idea: however seijou is required to be here~

starboi.kawa: NO YOU CAN GO GO RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT LEAVE RIGHT THIS FUCKING MOMENT GO SHOO GET LOST

starboi.kawa: STUPID!! STUPID! BLA

starboi.kawa: GET

killme: much respect

iwaizumi: what a third year

idea: how eloquent he is with his words <33

kagayama: yknow what

kagayama: fuck you im not leaving now

killme: lmao IM going to cry now

yuuutaruuuu: wait no :(( then im gonna cry

watariswet: why is everyone crying

killme: wow well would u look at that the tears are somehow getting sucked right back into my tear ducts by some sort of gravitational sorcery

yuuutaruuuu: :))

ushijima: I too would cry if I was in Aoba Jousai.

starboi.kawa: full offence but if you came to seijou id literally commit homicide and feed your corpse to maddog-chan :p

watariswet: when he’s a serial killer

yeehawba: senpai dont commit homicide, youd go to jail

maddog: do it

yeehawba: you’d eat ushijima’s corpse?

maddog: does it gross you out?

yeehawba: wtf yes

maddog: then yes

iwaizumi: oi shittykawa knock it off

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN IM DISTRAUGHT BE A LITTLE SUPPORTIVE

iwaizumi: supportively knock it off

idea?: god i love me our beefy ace daddy

idea: excuse you wtf

idea: he’s team mom

idea: ur team daddy

idea?: oh shit u right

starboi.kawa: iwachan and mattsun are NOT a married couple

idea: nah they had a drunk hookup in the back of their beat up van in an empty convenience store parking lot and now have five children they’re coparenting

watariswet: and that’s on using protection

iwaizumi: sure

iwaizumi: so what are you then makki?

idea: vodka aunt obviously

yuuutaruuuu: so,,, my aunt is dating my dad?

idea: im from the mother’s side

yeehawba: this family tree is fucked up

idea?: i like em pink and morally ambiguous to date

iwaizumi: that sounds horrible stop

starboi.kawa: what am i?

killme: the soon-to-be stepdad no one likes

iwaizumi: as if id remarry to that

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN BE NICE TO ME IM GOING TO BE YOUR HUSBAND

ushijima: You’re engaged to Iwaizumi?

kagayama: iwaizumi senpai im so sorry

idea?: LMAOOO

yuuutaruuuu: ouch

maddog: i like him

iwaizumi: thank you kageyama

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN!!!!

starboi.kawa: PEOPLE WOULD KILL TO MARRY ME

idea?: kill the priest, perhaps

yeehawba: why are you all the way that you are

watariswet: im just surprised iwaizumi senpai is going along with it

idea: imagine thinking iwaizumi isn’t as chaotic? wack

iwaizumi: first of all, shut fuck your up

iwaizumi: second of all, they got hit in the head with a volleyball one too many times and now there’s lasting brain damage

starboi.kawa: AND WHOS FAULT IS THAT IWACHAN IS ALWAYS ATTACKING ME WITH BALLS

idea: lmaoooo iwaizumis balls are always attacking you huh?

killme: what are you, 12?

idea?: 12 inches deep in your mom

yeehawba: i thought you and iwaizumi were divorced

idea: lmao oikawa got cheated on already

starboi.kawa: you did too!!!

idea: yeah bro but this is iwa we’re talking about

idea: anyone would cheat on their spouse for iwa

iwaizumi: i really hate this team

yuuutaruuuu: :((

iwaizumi: except you, kindaichi

starboi.kawa: :c

iwaizumi: especially you, shittykawa

starboi.kawa: (ಥ﹏ಥ)

ushijima: Oikawa, are you okay?

starboi.kawa: why do you think you can talk to me lol

iwaizumi: asskawa

ushijima: Well, earlier your team said they hurt your feelings and, even if you made some awful decisions like not coming to Shiratorizawa, I still wish the best for you and your mental state.

watariswet: when he’s pretty sweet

ushijima: And your fiancé just rejected you.

starboi.kawa: HE DIDNT REJECT ME

iwaizumi: yes i did

ushijima: I’m so sorry for your loss.

idea: send a pic of ur abs as consolation

idea?: dude

idea?: yes

starboi.kawa: NO DONT DO THAT

yeehawba: NO MORE NUDES YOULL TRAUMATIZE WATARI

watariswet: ^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!!

yeehawba: and then /I/ have to listen to him complain

watariswet: the disrespect

ushijima: Would seeing my abs help cheer you up?

starboi.kawa has left

idea? has added starboi.kawa

starboi.kawa: WHY MUST YOU ALL TORTURE ME LIKE THIS

iwaizumi: i don’t think he’s ok, ushijima

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN???

iwaizumi: oh yeah definitely not ok maybe you should try and cheer him up

watariswet: NO WAIT YOU REMEMBER “YOU’ll TRAUMATIZE WATARI”

starboi.kawa: I DONT NEED CHEERING UP IM FINE

idea: my oh my, he’s so deep in denial :’((

starboi.kawa: IM NOT

idea?: it’s ok to let people see the softer, more emotional side of you sometimes oikawa

idea?: right, ushijima?

ushijima: I suppose.

idea: see! excellent! now if you would please send your kind gift to the chat

watariswet: TRAUMATIZED WATARI PEOPLE

starboi.kawa: N OANO NO NO NO

kagayama: i saw his deeper more emotional side and almost got asalted

yeehawba: assaulted*, but continue

idea: we should let bygones be bygones

idea?: the past is in the past

idea: we should forgive each other and move on

starboi.kawa: see, idk but that doesnt sound like something i would do

iwaizumi: oikawa is too shitty a person to forgive anyone or apologize

kagayama: oikawa i forgive you for almost bitch slapping me even though you never really said sorry because i am willing to be the better person (setter) :)

killme: technically,

yuuutaruuuu: shhh let there be closure

watariswet: i cant tell if he’s being passive aggressive or genuine

starboi.kawa: i never hit you so you can take ur big person better setter attitude and go fys it isnt gonna happen tobio-chan :))

iwaizumi: oi be nice to the kouhai

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN I WOULD NEVER BE MEAN

idea: bro he just forgave you dont you feel better now

starboi.kawa: HOW IS ANY OF THIS SUPPOSED TO ME AKE ME FEEL BE T T E R (Ò 皿 Ó ╬)

iwaizumi: idk its making me feel better

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN

[00:37] fuck oikawa lives

kagayama: OHO WHATS THIS

yuuutaruuuu: ?????

kagayama: HIIIII!!!!! HOWS IT GOING WHATS UP!!!

watariswet: uh

kagayama: ITS ME HINATA!

starboi.kawa: chibi-chan?

kagayama: OH WOA ITS THE GREAT KING I DIDNT KNOW KAGEYAMA TALKED TO YOU THATS SO HECKING COOL

kagayama: WHAT DOES HE TALK ABOUT DOWS HE TAKK ABOUT ME HUH DOES HE

yuuutaruuuu: why would he talk about you?

kagayama: IDK HES NEVER MENTIONED U GUYS EITHER

kagayama: does he even talk or does he keep up the whole mysterious broody act shtick up like an idiot?

killme: iwaizumi can we keep him?

yeehawba: is ur type sweet, innocent bean that hates kageyama?

killme: is ur type dark, brooding loner that likes to get rough?

idea: nice kill kunimi

maddog: his type is cocky dickbag pretty boy with no shame

yeehawba: did anyone hear that? no? mustve been a flea then how strange

iwaizumi: no put it back where you found it kunimi

yuuutaruuuu: so uh,,, what are you doing with kageyama’s phone?

kagayama: oh he’s stuck in the vending machine

idea: let me push my bangs back so i can read that again

killme: what bangs u giant ass forehead looking bitch

idea: says the e-boy ass looking middle part

iwaizumi: stop bullying the first years

idea: he STARTED it

starboi.kawa: oh noooooo chibichan thats so sad :(

maddog: what kind of idiot gets stuck in a fucking vending machine?

kagayama: WELLLLLLL

kagayama: he wanted to get some milk right cuz he’s loves the stuff

watariswet: ok..?

kagayama: and when he punched the buttons the machine shook and the milk got stuck so he decided to shove his arm up there to get it out

starboi.kawa: yes yes pls contienue

idea?: contienue

iwaizumi: he’s giggling so hard he cant type

kagayama: yeah so he grabbed the milk but uh his arm got stuck so he’s kinda just… chilling there now?

yeehawba: chilling?

kagayama has sent (1) attachment

starboi.kawa: im

iwaizumi: is he okay?

kagayama: well… im trying to find the number for 110

yuuutaruuuu: w- what

yeehawba: please tell me ur joking

kagayama: no this is v serious his arm is turning purple! what if he can never toss to me again!

kagayama: WHA IF HE DIES

kagayama: WHAT ID HE LOSES AN ARM

ushijima: That would be a shame.

starboi.kawa: be passive aggressive to tobio-chan again and i’ll take his prosthetic and beat you with it!~

iwaizumi: what is wrong with you

idea?: everything

kagayama: A PROSTHETIC? WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THOSE?????

kagayama: IS HE ACTALLY GOING TO LOSE AN ARM????

yeehawba: one, actually* and two, no oikawa senpai was just kidding

idea: sounded like he was defending kageyama to me, though~

starboi.kawa: preposterous

iwaizumi: hinata first of all, none of that is going to happen if you call 110 now

iwaizumi: second of all, the number to 110 is 110

kagayama: ...oh

kagayama: OK I CALLED AND THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS ON THE WAY!!

starboi.kawa: THATS GREAT IM SO HAPPY

starboi.kawa: GO COMFORT TOBIOCHAN AND WHILE UR AT IT MAKE SURE YOU EXIT THE GROUP CHAT BEFORE YOU LEAVE MWAH

idea: NOPE DONT YOU DARE

idea: your dear friend kageyama wanted to stay in this group chat so it would be very rude if you left for him

kagayama: i mean i guess

starboi.kawa: HE ONLY STAYED TO SPITE ME THATS ALSO VERY RUDE

idea?: while ur at it why dont u add urself and some of ur friends? :))

starboi.kawa: what.

killme: what are you doing

kagayama: really?!!?

idea: YEAH LIL MAN GO AHEAD

idea has made kagayama admin

idea?: you too ushijima add some of your teammates to make you feel nice and at home!

starboi.kawa: WHAT. 

idea? has made ushijima admin

ushijima: If you insist. 

starboi.kawa: N O

starboi.kawa: NONO INONO NO SORP

starboi.kawa: NO ONE SINSISTS

watariswet: this is an awful idea

kagayama has added sunshinebaby, tanaCAW, NOYANOYA, and 13 more

ushijima has added nintendou, semihard, shitabu, and 2 more

iwaizumi: this is your worst idea yet

tanaCAW: OHO?

NOYANOYA: BRO

tanaCAW: BROOOO

NOYANOYA: AYYYYEEEEEE

tanaka: AYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE

thighchi: kageyama what’s this?

NOYANOYA: AYYYEYYYYEEEEE

tanaCAW: AAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEE

jesus: guys,,,

kagayama: actually its me hinata!

NOYANOYA: AAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEE

noshit: STOP SPAMMING ALREADY

tanaCAW: oof

NOYANOYA: YIKES

sugamama: hinata why are you on kageyama’s phone?

killme: apparently he’s stuck in a vending machine

tsukei: Excuse me, he’s what?

kagayama: YEAH HIS ARM IS STUCK!

kagayama: the fire department is on the way tho dont worry!

jesus: IM WORRIED?????

shitabu: holy fuck what cesspool of a mess is karasuno

watariswet: wait did i see jesus

jesus: hi

sugamama: @shitabu insult me or my team ever again and i will shove my entire foot so far up your ass youll be tasting shit behind your teeth

iwaizumi: okAY

idea: oho thats hot

thighchi: and taken

jesus: ^

idea: damn :(

sugamama: your boyfriend is right there

idea: you misunderstand

yamagucci: why is tsukki laughing? its kind of scary

yamagucci: oh nvm i scrolled up

yamagucci: carry on

kagayama: ok no one worry kageyama is free now

starboi.kawa: dang

sugamama: c:

starboi.kawa: I MEAN WOW GOSH I SURE HOPE HES OKAY AND HAS BOTH ARMS IN TACT

yeehawba: senpai ur an awful person

starboi.kawa: NO WAIT

idea?: nice kill yahaba

NOYANOYA: he will be missed

iwaizumi: no he wont

starboi.kawa: you say that every time iwachan yet i think you’d miss me the most

iwaizumi: id miss the free food your fangirls give you and nothing else

starboi.kawa: MEAN (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ 

yeehawba: its okay oikawa i still respect you though

starboi.kawa: awwww my favourite kouhai thats so sweet <<33

killme: why tho

maddog: he’s too far up his ass to pull out now

semihard: ok woAH THE CHILDREN

killme: you get used to it

furrykin: ur username is literally semihard

kiwinishi: you’re one to talk

furrykin: I DIDNT CHOOSE THE NAME!  
yeehawba: STOP KYOUTANI WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

idea: i can find one reason why ;);;););)););););)

NOYANOYA: OHOOOOOOO I GET IT NOW ;))))))))

idea?: ;););););));))););));););););)))

nintendou: ;););););));)));););););););););))(;);););;);););))

naruto: ;^)

kiwinishi: that thing is so gross, stop

naruto: ;^(

maddog: im going to eat ur livers

sunshinebaby: i dont get it

sugamama: ur still too young dont worry about it

kagayama: i lived bitch

tsukei: Unfortunately. 

idea: did you get ur milk tho? ;);))););))););)

iwaizumi: s t o p

kagayama: yes, its delicious thank you

sugamama: no dont answer that

nintendou: ANYWAYS

nintendou: SPEAKING OF HOT TEAMMATES

iwaizumi: no one is

thighchi: we werent

semihard: what is wrong with you

nintendou: ;^(

ushijima: You’re perfect the way you are.

nintendou: awwww ;;n;;

nintendou: anyways, is it true that all of seijou has a thing for their ace?

idea?: ok BUT

NOYANOYA: LMAO EXPOSED

nintendou: SEIJOU EXPOSED!

tanaCAW: NO CLICKBAIT!!

idea: have you seen the man?

idea: true that he’s really fucking handsome

yuuutaruuuu: and he’s really nice

maddog: strong

yeehawba: a nice butt

starboi.kawa: a nice WHAT

idea?: big arms

iwaizumi: s t o p youre all fucking embarrassing

yamagucci: isnt everyone on shiratorizawa gay for ushijima tho?

nintendou: fair enough good day

shitabu: gross

semihard: shirabu is especially gay for him

shitabu: im so sorry for punching you that one time, apparently i killed your last remaining brain cells

kiwinishi: it’s like you’ve never seen goshiki after ushijima praises him he gets even more annoying

starboi.kawa: what are you guys talking about iwachan looks like a gorilla

tsukei: Does that make you a furry then?

starboi.kawa: i shouldve aimed a volleyball to your head, glasses-chan

naruto: that was so much sass at once from like 4 different people

idea: at least now we know where yahaba gets it from~

yeehawba: SHUT U P IM NOT A FURRY

nintendou: sounds like something a furry would say

yeehawba: OR SOMETHING SOMEONE WHO ISNT A FURRY WOULD SAY

idea?: now that just sounds ridiculous

noshit: kinnoshita you wanna comment?

furrykin: im hungry

sugamama: ...not what he meant but fair

shitabu: aren’t you dating the dog over there?

maddog: ex-fucking-cuse you?

shitabu: yeah that one

yeehawba: shiratorizawa really disgusts me

starboi.kawa: THATS WHAT IVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL EVERYONE THESE PAST THREE YEARS!!!!

maddog: right, like im fucking thrilled to hear people think we’re dating?

yeehawba: awwww kyoutani, its okay we all know you think im pretty~

maddog: lets see how pretty you are with a black eye

tanaCAW: idk man, bangs over there has a point you pinned him against the wall in an official match so

watariswet: so long as they said no homo

NOYANOYA: FULL HOMO

yuuutaruuuu: as a first witness, i can agree it was very homo

maddog: fuck you

yamagucci: you looked very into it

yeehawba: ew dude no, no one was into it

semihard: bangs? thats ironic

shitabu: kindly go choke

semihard: that’s your job

sunshinebaby: i dont get it

jesus: its better that way

nintendou: shirabu’s a bottom

sugamama: that escalated REAL quick

shitabu: brb, showing chicken tenders my knife collection

iwaizumi: this better be a fucking joke or im kicking you all out of the chat 

starboi.kawa: you really are a mom, iwa-chan~

iwaizumi: THERE SHOULD BE NO TOPPING HES UNDERAGE SHITTYKAWA

kagayama: why not? i let hinata have top

NOYANOYA: YOU WHAT???

tanaCAW: UNEXPECTED IN MANY WAYS BUT I CAN DIG IT

thighchi: W HA T

idea?: damn karasuno 1st years wild

tsukei: SOKQNDOWBDAODNEWONA

jesus: is he okay? did he die??

yamagucci: he’s choking on spit so,,, maybe?

killme: god i wish that were me

yuuutaruuuu: kunimi pls :((

sugamama: kageyama what do you mean you let hinata take top :)))

sunshinebaby: WELL!

sunshinebaby: i like jumping on top

kagayama: its more comfortable

thighchi: you... like...

idea: you guys are giving your father a stroke

sunshinebaby: BESIDES HE CANT HIT ME WHEN IM ON TOP SO I GET TO ANNOY HIM! :D

starboi.kawa: theres no actual way this is happening im going to scream theres no wAY

semihard: i think im having a stroke

gawshiki: you’re their father?

semihard: what? no

yamagucci: i think tsukki passed out from laughing he’s not making any noise

iwaizumi: what are we talking about

sunshinebaby: bunk beds right?

kagayama: yeah

thighchi: i think i lost a few years on my life

NOYANOYA: wait ur alive?

tanaCAW: DONT BRING THAT UP YOULL TRAUMATIZE HIM

nintendou: i regret nothing

shirabu: i want a new team mine’s full of morons

gawshiki: :((

yeehawba: you should have come aobajousai

starboi.kawa: NO HE SHOULDNT HAVE

ushijima: No he shouldn’t have.

idea?: aw they’re agreeing

idea: they grow up so fast :’))

starboi.kawa: mooshijima, dont say things ive already said ok :)) its redundant :))))

tsukei: I have a question.

iwaizumi: yes?

tsukei: you know water isn’t wet, right? @watariswet

thighchi: here we go again

sugamama: shh let them express themselves daichi,

jesus: last time someone expressed themselves there was chaos and some of us cried

sugamama: by some of us you mean you?

jesus: ,,,yeah

yamagucci: tsukki pls dont i cant do this again, im not strong enough

tsukei: shut up yamaguchi

watariswet: water is wet

tsukei: No. 

watariswet: tf you mean no????

watariswet: water's dry now huh??

tsukei: No.

watariswet: you heard it here folks, water isnt wet or dry so it just doesnt exist anymore

tsukei: Did you receive with your head one too many times?

yeehawba: youre going to receive these hands

shitabu: aww, youre cute when youre angry

semihard: what

maddog: like a rabid rat cosplaying a naked chihuahua

idea: awwww jealousy

idea?: now im falling asleep

sunshinebaby: thats ok watari!! we’ll all live off of milk like kageyama

idea: and shes calling a cab

shitabu: are we all going to get stuck inside of vending machines like him, too?

idea?: while he’s having a smoke

kagayama: if you try hard enough

yeehawba: why,,, why would we try? to get stuck?

idea: and she’s taking a drag

idea: wait that’s a whole ass kink

idea?: dude that kink is WILD

kiwinishi: ok well,,, there goes that song

NOYANOYA: IKR? like how do you get stuck in a washing machine???

iwaizumi: im about to delete this entire chat

sugamama: oop

killme: god please do i hate it

tsukei: Anyways water isn’t wet, it’s a liquid and liquids cant get wet but it can make other things wet.

watariswet: that doesn’t :)) even make sense :))

watariswet: HOW can it make other things wet if it AINT wet huh explain that

shitabu: oh

shitabu: this is still going

gawshiki: so if ur under water and surrounded by water and water isnt wet then ur not wet?

tsukei: Not until you get out.

sunshinebaby: woAH THATS CRAZY

watariswet: that doesnt :)

watariswet: even make sense :))

NOYANOYA: WELL IF EVERYTHING IS WET THEN NOTHING IS RLLY WET

tanaCAW: dude ur so fucking smart

shimizu: Liquids cannot stick onto other liquids like they can with dry surfaces, it just pools together but doesn’t stick onto it and make it wet. So liquids aren’t wet but they can make other objects wet.

NOYANOYA: that’s it, the queen hath spoken

tanaCAW: no one else’s opinion matters in this say

yamagucci: period

idea: dude im wet rn

nintendou: thats hot

idea?: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

maddog: you’re disgusting

idea: ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

iwaizumi: i give up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that last chapter, huh,,, farewell our paradise :’))
> 
> i wrote this chapter like... a month or so ago (before the couple of chapters came out) when i was messing around and wrote about makki and kunimi dissing eachother’s hair...and now makki has bangs/a bowlcut, kunimi has a side part, matsu is a whole ass snack and kyoutani looks like a tennis ball


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ushijima: I’m here.
> 
> starboi.kawa: the fact that he’s still here depresses me more and more every passing day
> 
> tsukei: Here in this chat or here on this planet?
> 
> starboi.kawa: yes :((

[14:25] fuck oikawa lives

idea: ushijimaaaaaaa

idea has changed their name to ushijima

ushijima: ushijimaaakamamamalsnakanalaaaaa

shitabu: ...yo what the bitch

ushijima: shijimamamamaaaaaa

furrykin: uh, everything ok over there buddy

ushijima: shhhshahahhhsh im calling shjma

ushijima: jimjim are you there?

semihard: jimjim?

ushijima: I’m here.

starboi.kawa: the fact that he’s still here depresses me more and more every passing day

tsukei: Here in this chat or here on this planet?

starboi.kawa: yes :((

iwaizumi: youre such a shitty person

starboi.kawa: iwachaaaaaan be nice to me

iwaizumi: no

ushijima: jimjim are you single?

starboi.kawa: makki wtf

shitabu: ???

ushijima: I am.

shitabu: no dont answer that??

ushijima: ohohoo saucyyy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ushijima: what would you say is your type~

shitabu: not you

ushijima: dw bby im not asking for me no need to be jealous ;))

starboi.kawa: makki change your name plEASE i cant have any more of him around

shitabu: im not jealous, you’re just being a disrespectful ass. :)

idea? has changed their name to ushijima

starboi.kawa: nO thats the opposite of what i asked for

iwaizumi has changed their name to ushijima

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN???

ushijima: gross

NOYANOYA: OH WOW IS THIS A TREND CAN I JOIN

starboi.kawa: N O

NOYANOYA: OK!!

NOYANOYA has changed their name to ushijima

nintendou: well, you have to have the biggest wakatoshi fan included ;^)

starboi.kawa: NO YOU DONT

nintendou has changed their name to ushijima

semihard: well this is going to get confusing real quick

ushijima: dont be like that semisemi~

ushijima: idk what ur talking about

ushijima: im not confused are you?

ushijima: NOPE

ushijima: i am

naruto: on the bright side, everyone gets an ushijima!

kiwinishi: can i have an ushijima?

ushijima: yes

kiwnishi: look i bought you an ushijima @gawshiki

jesus: thats,,, thats kidnapping

starboi.kawa: i dont want one

ushijima: why not

ushijima: why

ushijima: you know you want me sweet thang ;^)

starboi.kawa: absolutely not

ushijima: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

starboi.kawa: STOP

ushijima: Wait, I did not send those.

ushijma: yes you did

ushijima: But I didn’t? I am confused.

ushijima: hello confused, im ushijima

ushijima: i thought i was ushijima

ushijima: at least we know who the real ushijima is

ushijima: what ever do you mean, we’re all the real ushijima

ushijima: SHIT YOU RIGHT MY B

furrykin: i feel like ive stumbled upon a cult

kiwinishi: you would know, since the furry fandom is basically a cult

furrykin: IM NOT A FURRY NOYA PICKED MY NAME

yeehawba: soUnDS lIkE whaT a FuRRy wOuLd S aY

ushijima: well my children, you are no longer furries, you are ushijimas

thighchi: ...what does that even mean

ushijima: ushijima is not a person, but a state of mind

ushijima: a state of being

starboi.kawa: a state of deranged insanity?

ushijima: You know you want this. ;)

starboi.kawa: STOP IDK IF THATS THE REAL USHIJIMA BUT ITS G R OSS

shitabu: i...

ushijima: join us

ushijima: become one of us

ushijima: one of us

ushijima: one of us

watariswet: you make a compelling argument

starboi.kawa: no they dont????

ushijima: one of us

yeehawba: idk senpai, its convincing me

starboi.kawa: it shouldnt!!!!

gawshiki: WAIT WHATS HAPPENING IM SO CONFUSED!!!

ushijima: one of us

sunshinebaby: THIS IS CREEPY!

ushijima: one of us

yeehawba has changed their name to ushijima

watariswet has changed their name to ushijima

starboi.kawa: STOP NO

ushijima: YES

ushijima: JOIN US

ushijima: this is awful i love it

ushijima: wait who are you

ushijima: i am me

ushijima: i thought i was you

ushijima: no im yuu

ushijima: no you

ushijima: thats what he said

ushijima: this is fine

maddog: what the dick is happening.

ushijima: so vulgar~

semihard: madness

tsukei: Nothing new, really.

ushijima: ;p

ushijima has renamed tsukei to ushijima

ushijima: Why.

ushijima: you and ushijima both have proper grammar~

killme: what. the. fuck.

yamagucci: TSUKKI NOOOOOOOO

yamagucci: YOU WERE TOO YOUNG, TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BECOME AN USHIJIMA

ushijima: Shut up, Yamaguchi. You’re blowing my cover.

shitabu: this is identity theft

ushijima: I am okay with it.

gawshiki: ARE YOU THE REAL USHIJIMA????

ushijima: Of course.

ushijima: I am.

ushijima: ONE OF US

ushijima: ONE OF US

ushijima: ONE OF US

noshit: yo oikawa, how you holding up

starboi.kawa has left

sugamama: yeah, i thought so

ushijima: we’ve got a runner!

ushijima: retrieve the runner

ushijima: aye aye!

ushijima has added starboi.kawa

starboi.kawa has left

ushijima has added starboi.kawa

ushijima: you should have come to shiratorizawa

starboi.kawa: nO

ushijima: you should have come to shiratorizawa

ushijima: you should have come to shiratorizawa

starboi.kawa: THAT IS FALSE

ushijima: you should have come to shiratorizawa

ushijima: you should have come to shiratorizawa

ushijima: you should have come to shiratorizawa

ushijima: You should have come to shiratorizawa.

shitabu: this is a nightmare

ushijima: HE CHUCKED HIS PHONE OUT THE WINDOW

ushijima: WORBWORJEISNA

ushijima: ABORT ABORT ABORT

ushijima: OH

ushijima: ABORT

ushijima: WAIT SENPAI NO

maddog: arent you supposed to not be you right now

ushijima: you found yahaba real quick didnt you maddog ;))

maddog: found you too, pinky

ushijima: scared but aroused

ushijima: HES AHOUTINF AT ME FROM THE WINDOW ITS KINDA

ushijima: kinda what~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

ushijima: yes iwa? :))

ushijima: hes ugly and red and im pretty sure he spit a little so its kinda gross

kiwinishi: how does he have so many fangirls

kagayama: what is happening

sunshinebaby: everyone is turning into an ushijima kinda like werewolves try to keep up bakageyama

yamagucci: a werejima

ushijima: WEREJIMA

kagayama: shut up boke

sugamama: you know, the ushijima’s should start sharing secrets its not like anyone would know and itd spice things up ;)

ushijima: broooooo

ushijima: BROOOOOOO

ushijima: HES JUMPING OUT THE WINDOWW AIT EI VE GOTTA GOA

ushijima: oh

ushijima: rip oikawa

jesus: IS HE OKAY??

ushijima: I would say less competition, but we’ve already won so...

yamagucci: nice kill tsukki!

yuuutaruuuu: you can tell?

yamagucci: i mean, we’ve been friends for ages so yeah

ushijima: i see what’s happening here ;))

yamagucci: uh

yamagucci: i dont think you do?

ushijima: Speaking of, may I ask why people wanted to know my type?

ushijima: matsu and i have a bet

semihard: you made bets on ushijima’s type?

ushijima: no thats stupid

semihard: ...my bad

shitabu: dont mind him, he’s always been a little slow~

semihard: oh im slow, huh

shitabu: that’s what i just said senpai~ or can you not read, either?

ushijima: all this UST is spiCEY

sunshinebaby: whats ust

sugamama: dont worry about it!

kagayama: uropean standard time

ushijima: oh

ushijima: oh no

sugamama: kageyama...

kagayama: what???

ushijima has changed their name to iwachan

starboi.kawa: :)

ushijima: whipped

ushijima: 100%

iwachan: i was bribed

ushijima: with what~

ushijima: I like someone who’s talented, powerful and strong, someone who plays volleyball but also has time to do their own thing and geek out, someone who’s tall but not taller than me. Someone smart, and generally a good person.

ushijima: you didnt specify the gender?

ushijima: It doesn’t matter to me.

ushijima: That doesn’t bother anyone, does it?

shitabu: it better not

yamagucci: nope ^u^

sugamama: if it does bother anyone they can eat my fist~

jesus: koushi,,,

shimizu: I’m lesbian, and I have a girlfriend, so no.

sugamama: oh yeah? i have two boyfriends top that!

shimizu: Sir, I am a lesbian, I will not be topping your boyfriends.

sunshinebaby: WAIT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? WHO????

ushijima: What do you mean who? It’s obvious.

ushijima: bet you its the blonde manager

yamagucci: ill take that bet~

ushijima: you cant take the bet if you know that’s cheating

shimizu: Oh uh no, it’s Daichi‘s friend Michimiya. She’s the girl’s team captain.

ushijima: TOO MUCH POWER

thighchi: OH YOURE HER SECRET GIRLFRIEND SHE WOULDNT TELL ME ANYTHING

sugamama: michimiya is a treasure and i love her

yamagucci: oh, i wouldnt think you’d like her tbh since i thought she and daichi were a thing

sugamama: lol no why would i hate her just because we were interested in the same guy? thats dumb

jesus: they were best friends that bonded over making fun of and thirsting over daichi

shimizu: MLM WLW solidarity.

sugamama: ASAHI HUSH

thighchi: im offended

sugamama: ill blow you later hush

thighchi: KOUSHI

semihard: oh

ushijima: AYYEEEEEE GET SOME CAP

ushijima: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ushijima: bro im feeling even more single now how many couples is that up until now

sugamama: just shimizu and michimiya, and daichi, asahi and i i think?

ushijima: you have TWO boyfriends and i cant even get one???

ushijima: you guys can get your crush to notice you?

ushijima: you guys have crushes?

yuuutaruuuu: well, there’s kunimi and i!!

starboi.kawa: WHAT SINCE WHEN

kagayama: you two are dating?????

killme: we’ve been dating since jr high

kagayama: yOU WHAT

starboi.kawa: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

iwachan: stupidkawa how did YOU not know

starboi.kawa: THEY NEVER SAID ANYTHING???

killme: we’ve held hands in front of you

ushijima: yeah and kindaichi carries kunimi everywhere?

ushijima: they’re always together

ushijima: kunimi hates everyone except kindaichi

starboi.kawa: YEAH BUT

starboi.kawa: yeah but iwachan and i do that too, i thought they were just friends

ushijima: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ushijima: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ushijima: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

starboi.kawa: and i thought kunimi was just being a simp i didnt think he actually got lucky

killme: i will break your shins

iwachan: just breathe on his knee incorrectly

starboi.kawa: iwachan thats mean :((

yuuutaruuuu: anyways, for the team we assumed everyone already knew and kageyama we didnt tell you since u were a jerk to us so we sorta assumed you be homophobic

kagayama: well im not

killme: yeah we see that now kaGAYama

kagayama: what does that mean

semihard: you uh, you have a pun in your name

kagayama: huh?

yuuutaruuuu: you know. you spelled your name kaGAYama instead of kaGEYama

kagayama: ...

shitabu: ...wow ok no, the idiot just cant spell his own name

ushijima: You had no faith in him and it was still too much.

sunshinebaby: lmao wait you thought kageyama was homophobic??

kagayama: shut up dumbass

kiwinishi: doesnt he have two dads

starboi.kawa: whAT

maddog: arent you supposed to be observant?

starboi.kawa: im observant enough kyoukenchan~

iwachan: youre scaring the minors again

starboi.kawa: BESIDES WE DIDNT HANG OUT OR PLAY TOGETHER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW????

gawkshiki: THATS SO UNFAIR LIKE HE HAS TWO DADS AND I HAVE NONE???

jesus: oh

sunshinebaby: yeah he does!!! howd you know????

shitabu: they came to the shiratorizawa match and we saw them hug him

ushijima: You were able to see that even after your crushing defeat?

NOYANOYA: NICE KILL TSUKKI!

semihard: we saw them hug him even though he was all gross and sweaty, it was sweet

shitabu: it was fucking gross

kiwinishi: we also saw pipsqueak throw himself onto all three of them, knock them all over and kageyama and the one that looks like his clone both started calling him a dumbass it was fun

sunshinebaby: gods that was so embarrassing!!

ushijima: No one ever said you were anything but cringy.

yuuutaruuuu: how come you didn’t tell us?

killme: wait but ive seen his mom before?

kagayama: can we not talk about this right now?

yuuutaruuuu: yeah, sure man, sorry

kagayama: it’s fine.

sunshinebaby: you okay yamayama?

kagayama: im fine. 

iwachan: i apologize if we made you uncomfortable, kageyama

iwachan: i dont think it’ll help, but i have two moms and they adopted me,,, obviously

starboi.kawa: OH I LOVE IWACHANS MOMS THEYRE SO NICE

starboi.kawa: VERY MUCH UNLIKE IWACHAN AND THEYRE ALSO REALLY PRETTY

ushijima: buff mom can bench oikawa its fucking great

ushijima: the one time it happened oikawa screamed and turned bright red and iwa looked mortified

sugamama: wait isnt oikawa like 6 feet tall though??? how???

ushijima: lmao yeah he’s a scrawny twig tho and mama buffzumi is B U F F

starboi.kawa: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

ushijima: no can do, dooru~

ushijima: DOORU IM GONNA BE USING THAT ONE

starboi.kawa: NO STOP IM NOT A DOOR

ushijima: stop lying, you have no cake at all

ushijima: bro,,, no cake? fr???

ushijima: frfr

ushijima: we would have invited him for a 3some but im not about to bruise my hips on his bony ass

starboi.kawa: iM

starboi.kawa: I WOULDNT EVEN WANT TO HAVE A THREESOME WITH YOU THATS GROSS

ushijima: hey u dont see me kinkshaming you

starboi.kawa: THAT IS FALSE

starboi.kawa: AND WHO SAYS ID BOTTOM ANYWAYS???

shitabu: as if ur ass aint a fucking pillow princess

ushijima: takes one to know one

shitabu: i guess thats why you know hmm? :)

thighchi: i refuse to believe either of you know

iwachan: as i was saying

iwachan: you’re not the only one, kageyama

kagayama: it does help a little

kagayama: thank you

sugamama: you know you always have the team, too, kageyama, if ever you want to talk

thighchi: koushi is right, the team will always be here for you, kageyama and that includes our managers and our coaches. i may be your captain, i may be a third year, but im your friend too.

kagayama: i

yamagucci: yeah, we wont ditch you for having problems!!!

ushijima: Unlike some people.

kagayama: idk, iwaizumi-san was cool

iwachan: obviously

yuuutaruuuu: okay well

maddog: lmao get fucked

kagayama: um, thank you

sugamama: of course!!!

ushijima: WAIT HOLD ON

ushijima: TSUKKI YOU DEFENDED KAGEYAMA???!??!?!

ushijima: karasuno raising their children right

sugamama: of course of course

sugamama: daichi and i work very hard to co parent since our second husband has no spine 

jesus: ah (ಥ﹏ಥ)

thighchi: he said what he said

ushijima: Noya-san, dont call me Tsukki. :)

ushijima: BUT YAMAGUCHI DOES IT ALL THE TIIIIIIIIIIIME

yamagucci: bitches wanna be me

sugamama: bitches about to be grounded for their language

killme: im sorry but still i regret nothing, he was an ass and now everyone is in a better place so,

kagayama: thats fair

iwachan: can we all agree the real person at fault here was the coach

starboi.kawa: oh completely, iwachan

yuuutaruuuu: 100% agree

kagayama: he was an ass

killme: i hated him

ushijima: there’s so much pettiness in here

yuuutaruuuu: he was AWFUL

gawshiki: aww im sorry 

sunshinebaby: YAMAYAMA OPEN THE DOOR

kagayama: ...what

sunshinebaby: NO FR OPEN THE DOOR ITS POURING OUTSIDE WTH IT WAS FINE WHEN I LEFT

kagayama: HINATA YOU DUMBASS WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT MY HOUSE???

sunshinebaby: YOU SOUNDED UPSET EARLIER SO I BROUGHT SNACKS AND MILK ON MY WAY HERE AND NOW ITS ACTUALLY POURING OUTSIDE

kagayama: BOKE HOW DID I SOUND UPSET OVER TEXT

ushijima: awwww young love~

ushijima: get you a friend like that

kiwinishi: “friend”

starboi.kawa: awwww tobiochan look at you making “friends”

sunshinebaby: OPEN THE DOOR IM WET

ushijima: bro same

ushijima: why do you feel the need to ruin the moment

iwachan: disgusting, revolting, putrid, makes me want to throw up, im gagging as we speak

ushijima: then take oikawa out

iwachan: i will interpret that as you asking me to kill oikawa

ushijima: you shouldn’t ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

iwachan: i will find out who you are. and i will kill you.

semihard: damn he went for it

thighchi: kageyama please tell me you let hinata inside it’s really kicking up out there and i worry for his health

kagayama: yeah, im not a complete dick

yamagucci: debatable

ushijima: Eh.

noshit: you have your moments

kagayama: i WILL kick him out again, try me

sunshinebaby: lmao no you wont your dad said im not allowed to bike home in this weather so guess who’s sleeping over~

kagayama: 1. i have never done anything to deserve this

killme: that is false

yuuutaruuuu: is my jr high trauma nothing to you?

shitabu: your existence is enough

starboi.kawa: i will crush you tobiochan!~

sugamama: all these insults directed at kageyama arent sitting well with me so stop it. get some help. :))

kagayama: 2. your crush on my dad is disturbing

ushijima: DAMN SHOUYOU I DIDNT KNOW YOU LIKED THEM OLDER DUDES

sunshinebaby: SHUT UP BAKAGEYAMA

ushijima: wait deadass??

kagayama: idk what that means

ushijima: he wants to know if youre being serious

kagayama: i am

starboi.kawa: chibichan i didnt know you were saucy like this

sunshinebaby: STOP I ONLY THINK HES PRETTY OKAY I CAN APPRECIATE AN ATTRACTIVE MAN

furrykin: to be completely fair though,

noshit: stop talking right now i dont trust you

furrykin: OK BUT WAIT LISTEN

furrykin: HIS DAD IS REALLY PRETTY OKAY

ushijima: I have a question for Kageyama and Iwaizumi. If it offends you, feel free to ignore it.

starboi.kawa: you should just ignore it ahead of time~

iwachan: shut up shittykawa

starboi.kawa: iwachaaaaaaaan i need to teach the young impressionable kouhai about keeping negative energy OUT

iwachan: you are the negative energy

killme: just ignore the problem until it goes away

iwachan: ive tried that, but crappykawa is like a leech that never leaves

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN

sugamama: stay away from our first years

jesus: yeah, they’re scary

thighchi: stop telling people our kids are scary, they’re adorable

kagayama: ah,,, ushijima go ahead and ask

iwachan: ^

ushijima: Ok. What do you call your parents?

iwachan: i call mine mom and ma

starboi.kawa: awwww, iwachan is so sweet when it comes to his moms~

iwachan: im going to shatter your cheekbones

kagayama: dad and papa

killme: ...fuck you

kagayama: i didnt do anything??

sunshinebaby: @killme insult him again and i’ll fight you

killme: oh noooo, my poor shins

yamagucci: actually, kenma taught hinata how to jump up and wrap his legs around someone’s neck and throw them by swinging around and he can actually do it now

gawshiki: WHAT

iwachan: holy shit

kiwinishi: that sentence is wild

maddog: yeah sounds badass

ushijima: no way i have to see this

kagayama: yeah he can do it NOW

sunshinebaby: SHUT UP I SAID I WAS SORRY LET ME LIVE IT DOWN

semihard: do i wanna know what happened the first time?

ushijima: Only the best thing of my life.

sunshinebaby: WAIT PLEASE DONT TELL THEM

kagayama: please dont im still mortified

ushijima: ????

sugamama: i still have second hand embarrassment from watching them

thighchi: whenever i picture the moment i still hear kuroo’s laugh loud and clear

noshit: asahi cried

shitabu: fake news, he always cries

ushijima: square the fuck up

jesus: its ok noya

naruto: no it aint we’ll fight

sunshinebaby: ^^^

starboi.kawa: awwww guys stop teasing you have to tell us now~

ushijima: my interest is peaked

yamagucci: the first time he tried he ended up jumping kageyama and teabagging him in middair

yamagucci: he had NO control over his momentum so its not like he could stop after he jumped yknow

yamagucci: the kid has a wild jump so basically he teabagged him, broke his nuts on kageyama’s chin and then they both went crashing to the concrete

ushijima: That is unfortunate.

sunshinebaby: whyYYYYYY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM

starboi.kawa: FRECKLES-CHAAAAAAAAAAAN

ushijima: damn karasuno knows how to party

ushijima: we shouldve come to karasuno

starboi.kawa: BWAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHA

shitabu: i am cringing so fucking bad

ushijima: lmaooo get a face fulla sweaty man crotch

kagayama: im leaving

iwachan: it’s not that bad kageyama,,,

killme: yes it is

semihard: it’s pretty bad,,,

kagayama: i wish i was suffocated by hinata’s thighs in the fall it’d make my life a lot easier

ushijima: Oh you definitely want to be between his thighs, I bet.

sugamama: tsukishima!!

ushijima: NICE KILL TSUKKI!!!

ushijima: Stop.

ushijima: death by thighs, the best way to go!!

starboi.kawa: tell me someone recorded it PLEASE

sunshinebaby: NOPE!!!!

thighchi: im pretty sure kenma did

sunshinebaby: HE DIDNT!!!!!

ushijima: YES HE DID!

starboi.kawa: ADD HIM

sunshinebaby: NO DONT ADD HIM

starboi.kawa: CHIBICAN YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I NEED TO SEE THE VIDEO OR I’LL DIE

sunshinebaby: IF ANYONE SEES THAT VIDEO THEN I WILL DIE

starboi.kawa: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PERSONAL PROBLEM TO ME TBH

kagayama: dont kill him my dads will kill me

ushijima: Make me admin, I’ll add him.

sunshinebaby: TSUKKI NO

ushijima has made ushijima admin

ushijima: uh is that the right one?

ushijima: No.

ushijima: oh,,, welp

starboi.kawa: WHO DID YOU JUST GIVE ADMIN RIGHTS TO

ushijima: idk

starboi.kawa: MAKKI!

ushijima: hey, it wasnt me man

starboi.kawa: MATTSUN!

ushijima: :p

ushijima has given ushijima admin rights

starboi.kawa: STOP YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHO YOURE GIVING ADMIN RIGHTS TO

ushijima: oh well, it might be the original ushijima guess we’ll find out sooner or later ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

ushijima has added kodzuken

kozuken: oh

sunshinebaby: DONT ELISTEN TOR HRMW

sunshinebaby: LISTEN*

sunshinebaby: TO*

sunshinebaby: THEM*

kodzuken: um

starboi.kawa: HI HELLO IM OIKAWA TOORU PLS SEND THE VIDEO OF CHIBICHAN TACKLING TOBIOCHAN WITH HIS CROTCH

sunshinebaby: KENMA PLEASE DONT

kodzuken: ok

sunshinebaby: i love you

kodzuken: um shouyou, im very confused

kodzuken: why is there 8 ushijimas?

starboi.kawa: its mental illness innit

shitabu: disrespect

iwachan: we like to watch oikawa go insane

thighchi: i still dont know

ushijima: hi

ushijima: ello

ushijima: its a cult thing

ushijima: one of us

ushijima: one of us

ushijima: one of us

ushijima: one of us

kagayama has added kubro

ushijima: The levels of bullshit in this chat just grew.

sunshinebaby: KAGEYAMA???????

kagayama: wait

kagayama: wait idk why i did that hold on-

sunshinebaby: YOURE GOING TO BE MADE FUN OF TOO STUPID

kagayama: I KNOW I FORGOT I WASNT THINKING OKAY

starboi.kawa: THE VIDEO SHOW US THE VIDEO @kubro

kubro: uh

kubro: what

sunshinebaby: DO YOU EVER THINK BAKAGEYAMA

kagayama: I WILL SUFFOCATE YOU WITH A PILLOW 

kagayama: I WAS FEELING THINGS OK I FORGOT

ushijima: jealousy

kiwinishi: oh yeah, definitely jealousy

semihard: turning saints into the sea

ushijima: swimming through sick lullabies

yamagucci: choking on your alibies

noshit: but its just the price i pay

kubro: idk why im being serenaded but i love it

kodzuken: kuro dont send any videos

kubro: idek what im supposed to be sending?

kodzuken: nothing

kubro: also why is there 8 ushijimas?

ushijima: gang bang

iwachan: oh

kubro: oh

ushijima: ayyyyyeeeee

ushijima: I didn’t agree to that part.

thighchi: dont ask

starboi.kawa: send the fucking video of chibichan’s crotch taking both tobiochan and chibichans future kids out in one blow

iwachan: are you insinuating they could have had children together before stupidkawa

starboi.kawa: nO IWACHAN OK I KNOW ITS BIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE OK MY IQ IS HIGHER THAN YOURS

maddog: inconceivable

ushijima: you always use big words, do you even know what they mean

maddog: idk ask my scholarship

shitabu: nice kill, maddog-kun

maddog: dont call me that

ushijima: come back to me when you’re not a hopeless tsundere schoolgirl shirabu~

shitabu: fuck you

semihard: careful shirabu, thats not the real ushijima

shitabu: fuck you too

semihard: maybe if you ask politely, brat

ushijima: ohoOOOO

ushijima: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

shitabu: im coming down to beat your ass

ushijima: awww i’ll make sure im out the dorm by the time you come kenji ;))

semihard: wait no

sunshinebaby: KUROO SENPAI PLEASE DONT SEND IT THEYLL NEVER LET ME LIVE IT DOWN

kodzuken: kuro if you send the video i will send you to an early grave

kagayama: DONT SEND THE VIDEO

yuuutaruuuu: dude youre the one who added him

ushijima: You all really overestimate our King.

iwachan: seems to be a running theme with all kings

yamagucci: awww you called your setter a king

ushijima: hes a real dicktator

ushijima has changed starboi.kawa to dicktator

dicktator: NO WHY

kubro has sent (1) video attatchment

kubro: KENMA WAIT I SENT IT BEFORE YOU SAID ANYTHING

kubro: I SWEAR OK LISTEN

kubro: YOU KNOW HOW SHITTY MY WIFI IS DONT KILL ME

kodzuken: no one can save you now

kubro: KENMA N O WAIT

dicktator: YES!!!!!!

sunshinebaby: SHUT UP STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

killme: no one literally said anything

ushijima: They’re too busy dying of laughter. 

kiwinishi: tsutomu just watched the video and now he’s crying

gawkshiki: it looked like it hurt!!!!!!

sunshinebaby: SHUT UP IT DID HURT

maddog: god i fucking felt that

ushijima: o w

yuuutaruuuu: oh

ushijima: the way they just lie there while an escaped hyena cackles in the background is cinematic art

ushijima: kageyama really just went “ragK!” as he was tackled

iwachan: i take it back, it can be that bad

kagayama: im leaving

sunshinebaby: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

kagayama: SHUT UP YOU IDIOT I KNOW

kagayama: PUt The SipHwowwo DOwnNAK diwLAOEOS oesoOse owow

kagayama: widbSosjwOow

thighchi: that hyena one of the ushijimas mentioned would have to be kuroo

kodzuken: not anymore

ushijima: I love where this is going.

yamagucci: damn kenma rlly just snapped

sunshinebaby: thats because he’s a real friend, unlike some people :))

kagayama: I ALMOST PASSED OUT YOU ASSHOLE

sunshinebaby: i wouldnt actually let you pass out idiot thats dangerous

ushijima: awww cute

thighchi: how is that cute?

noshit: did you forget hinata was also the one strangling him

ushijima: that’s just friendship

ushijima: who knew friendships could be so kinky~

ushijima: ;))

dicktator: ok but did anyone hear their conversation at the end? 

sugamama: i cant hear anything over kuroo hacking up a lung

noshita: or tanaka and noya shrieking and asahi crying

iwachan: @jesus why WERE you crying?

ushijima: HES A BIG SYMPATHETIC BABY DONT JUDGE

jesus: it looked painful i was worried

dicktator: well it was really cute, tobio-chan you dog~

ushijima: awwww

ushijima: its a love confession!!!!

sugamama: a WHAT

thighchi: um,,, theyre too young for the L bomb i think

sunshinebaby: ITS NOT WKDBWKS

ushijima: lovers who pain together, get lain together

kagayama: THAT DOESNT MAKE EVEN SENSE

ushijima: sure it does!

jesus: ok guys lets not be mean or assume anything

ushijima: coward

dicktator: mhmmm sure as if they arent cuddling in the same bed together with chibichan in tobiochans clothes

sunshinebaby: im actually in my OWN clothes

sugamama: change out of your wet clothes!

semihard: ^^^^ you’ll get sick

sunshinebaby: no its ok i have clothes at kageyama’s house i changed into

kagayama: stop talking

dicktator: ohoho you do do you?

ushijima: sounds pretty gay my dudes

sunshinebaby: well i spend the night a lot so i left some things here

sunshinebaby: and we dont cuddle,,,

ushijima: bro thats a shame, cuddling is so nice

ushijima: i cuddle watari when he comes over

jesus: ^ platonic cuddling exists, noya cuddles everyone

dicktator: but not when you both have crushes tho~

sunshinebaby: I DONT

kagayama: ME NEITHER

maddog: you dont cuddle iwaizumi?

dicktator: I DONT HAVE A CRUSH THO

iwachan: he doesnt cuddle me he assaults me in bed

kiwinishi: weird way to say we have sex but go loose

dicktator: WE DONT

iwachan: that

iwachan: no

iwachan: i meant he latches onto me like a damn anaconda and there’s no saving me after that

dicktator: youre warm and safe iwachan this is unfair

ushijima: warm and safe, huh?

ushijima: sounds whipped to me

noshit: deadass

kiwinishi: tsutomu talks in his sleep

gawshiki: you promised not to tell anyone!

ushijima: omg are yall a thing?

jesus: you cant just ask that!

kiwinishi: its fine

gawshiki: we’re not a thing!!!!! no!!!!!

kiwinishi: we’re roommates

ushijima: Did you forget Shiratorizawa is a rich boy academy with dorms?

natuto: didnt shirabu say he was going down to semi’s dorm to kill him like two minutes ago tho?

ushijima: lol i get a dorm all to myself now!!~~

ushijima: ANYWAYS

ushijima: the amount of pda that comes from our captain and vice captain is ridiculous, theyre not even dating

ushijima: are you talking about iwaizumi and oikawa?

ushijima: idk i think its cute

dicktator: RUDE IM JUST A TOUCHY PERSON!

ushijima: one time iwaizumi was a little warm so you pressed his forehead to yours while cradling him in your arms to see if he was running a fever

ushijima: but when kindaichi threw up after overexerting himself you said “ew, that’s what you had for lunch?” and had kunimi walk him to the nurse

dicktator: no fair i have this thing against vomit

iwachan: its because we’ve been friends forever

maddog: the gross couple is definitely tweedle dee and tweedle dum

ushijima: idk who tweedle dee and tweedle dum are huh, what a mystery guess we’ll never know and we’ll have to disagree by default

ushijima: nah, maddog is right for once

maddog: fuck off

noshit: i think that’s the first time ive seen you two agree on something

gawshiki: scary

ushijima: its because most of the time kyoutani’s full of shit

maddog: says the shallow, goody two shoe, ass kissing, noodly-armed stuck up brat

ushijima: dont forget pretty, kyoukenchan~

maddog: thats fucking IT

maddog: im coming over to beat your ass

ushijima: wait!! pack your meat before you beat

maddog: ,,,

ushijima: WHA T

ushijima: yeah, dont be silly, wrap that willy!

thighchi: oh my god,

jesus: AAAAAAAAAA NO

ushijima: cover your stump before you hump

maddog: IM NOT A DOG

dicktator: pack it in plastic, it’ll be fantastic~

ushijima: SENPAI YOU TOO???

kiwinishi: dont make a mistake, cover your snake

iwachan: bag the mole then do his hole

yeehawba: STOP THATS SO GROSS

maddog: ...

ushijima: no glove, no love

maddog: what the actual fuck sTOP

ushijima: i hate all of you

yamagucci: lubricate before you ejaculate!!!

ushijima has left

maddog has left

ushijima: nice kill everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had a fun time writing this one windiwbswinw it was easier since i didnt need to think too hard about what character should say what, just sometimes alluded to it and i hope it reads even tho like 10 characters had the same user
> 
> this chapter had a little glimpse of angst, jealousy and hinted at future relationships so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) keep ur eyes peeled for them hints
> 
> anyways, tell me what you guys liked; what you wanna see more of; what you didn’t like; i like reading your comments and incorporating your ideas in sksksjsksjs


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> konohoo: well that’s one way to welcome someone
> 
> killme: GOD i just want someone to run me over with a steamroller
> 
> nintendou: oh same
> 
> nintendou: i want wakatoshi-kun to crush me with his biceps
> 
> ushijima: I will not murder you, Satori.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,, IM an idiot and half of the chapter didn’t get uploaded with the rest in the previous chapter the first time
> 
> so if you read it in the first 10-20 mins when it was posted (before i caught the error) and were wondering why it ended so abruptly, you might wanna go back and see that you didn’t miss anything just in case
> 
> ill try and not be a dumbass next time lmao

[14:17] fuck oikawa lives

ushijima has added yeehawba

ushijima has added maddog

dicktator: I THOUGHT USHIAJWAKA HAD ADMIN PRIVILEGES FOR A SECOND AND FELT MY SOUL LEAVE MY BODY

ushijima: innocent whistling

ushijima: shhh dont remind him

dicktator: what.

ushijima: noooooothin

tanaCAW: FUCK I CANT BELIEVE I MISSED CONDOM SLOGANS AND AN USHIJIMA CULT

iwachan: oh god that was a trip i forgot all about the cult

thighchi: the one YOU joined?

iwachan: i regret nothing

kiwnishi: its probably for the best

shitabu: idk i found it immaculate

semihard: wtf you complained about disrespect the entire time and then attacked me later?

dicktator: it was awful

tanaCAW: life is fucking UNFAIR

furrykin: bro where even were you yesterday?

tanaCAW: yacchan needed help putting up our posters around and then we went out for something hot to eat since its cold outside

dicktator: sounds like a date (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

ushijima: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ushijima: it sure does~

tanaCAW: no its not like that!!! im just being a good senpai

thighchi: im glad you helped her out, tanaka

dicktator: speaking of, why isn’t your tiny blonde manager here?

sunshinebaby: yacchi gets social anxiety around big groups of people she doesnt know!!

kiwnishi: fair, have a good day

ushijima: speaking speaking of, im p sure ushijima added some dude that has never once spoken in chat?

shitabu: he doesn’t like you

ushijima: that’s not true, kenji-kun~

ushijima: of course he loves me, im adorable~

ushijima: Yamagata is currently saving up for a new phone and Reon did not wish to be added.

yuuutaruuuu: saving up for a new phone?

semihard: if you mean yamagata, he shattered his phone and is saving up for a new one

iwachan: wtf how did he shatter his phone?

thighchi: ^

noshit: daichi, you know noya

thighchi: ...fair

ushijima: he mistook his phone for a volleyball and then spiked it~~

ushijima: oh mood

killme: in what world is that a “mood”??

ushijima: respect the drip, karen

ushijima: How do you even manage to do that?

ushijima: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

ushijima: isn’t he a libero?

semihard: “wha just because im a libero you guys think i can’t spike? you wanna see me spike this ball?”  
“no”  
“fuck you im gonna spike the ball”  
“wait that’s not...the ball“  
“..OK SO MAYBE I BROKE MY PHONE BUT THAT WAS A GOOD SPIKE GUYS COME ON”

kubro: LMAOO

ushijima: an icon

tsukei: Why is that something Hinata would do?

shitabu: see, this is why i didnt want to tell the truth, he’s a dumbass

kiwinishi: a hot dumbass tho

gawshiki: WHAT??? YOU FIND YAMAGATA SAN HOT???

kiwinishi: i mean

kiwinishi: yeah

gawshiki: thats so weird tho

shitabu: we been knew taichi had awful taste

jesus: speaking of liberos with shattered phones

jesus: noya pls get a new phone, im tired of buying you bandaids after your screen cuts you

ushijima: NO

jesus: noya

ushijima: ANYWAYS HYPOTHETICALLY,

sugamama: oh boy

ushijima: You can spell that?

ushijima: autocorrect is a beautiful thing you disrespectful kouhai~

jesus: noya please

noshit: what did you do

thighchi: what did you do

ushijima: lmao karasuno taking NO shits today

ushijima: I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANYTHING YET STOP GANGING UP ON ME

naruto: have you done something that daichi wouldnt have?

ushijima: unfair, that bitch is boring he never does anything

thighchi: really now? i’ll be interesting and give you ten extra laps for practice then :p

ushijima: wait no pls

thigchi: nah

ushijima: daichi pLEASE WAIT

yamagucci: lmao that’s power abuse

thighchi: dont worry yamaguchi can keep you company, noya

yamagucci: this is still power abuse just not as funny :((

ushijima: BUT DAICHI

thighchi: no buts

kagayama: but he has a butt

thighchi: kageyama is volunteering to keep you company, too

sunshinebaby: HAHA BAKAGEYAMA YOURE SO STUPID

thighchi: so noya, yamaguchi, kageyama and hinata will be running extra laps tomorrow

thighchi: anyone else?

thighchi: nice

kubro: scared but aroused

thighchi: @kodzuken

kubro: lmao he doesnt care

sugamama: kenma, text yaku instead

kubro: what have i ever done to you?

sugamama: idk its just fun

shitabu: everyday i question how a school full of rookie idiots, so dumb that they barely spell correctly without the help of autocorrect, who fail most of their exams, are raised in their barnshed of a gym with a discount coach and no meaningful legacy other than “they were good once” managed to beat,,, shiratorizawa

ushijima: well someone sounds salty

ushijima: Die mad.

yamagucci: lol 

ushijima: do you wanna talk about it orrrrr?

shitabu: NO

furrykin: idk man it kind of sounds like you want to talk about it

shitabu: i dont.

dicktator: it’s because shiratorizawa isn’t that great. you’re strong but there’s nothing else. no flavour. no spices. its like very bland ramen

semihard: yet you still never managed to beat us

noshit: oof

iwachan: i dont ever remember you actually playing in any games of ours, semi?

tanaCAW: OOF

ushijima: i don’t recall you guys being good enough for us to need to pull out a pinch server~

ushijima: O O F

jesus: this is getting,,, really heated

kubro: ikr? its beautiful

thighchi: stop feeding off of other people’s misery

tanaCAW: but drama is fuuuuuuuuuun daichi!!

ushijima: Shiratorizawa focuses on individual strength and accomplishment. It would be useless to strengthen teamplay in a team that will only be together for a year before the positions and dynamics change again.

dicktator: that is :)) incorrect :))) and stupid :))))))

ushijima: Now while Aoba Jousai only had one outstanding player, the rest were average; Karasuno had higher defense in their middle blockers and libero and offense in their ace and the 9 and 10 duo on top of a prodigious setter.

yamagucci: fax

shitabu: no lol karasuno got lucky

yamagucci: still won tho :p

ushijima: ah, didnt you almost cry freckles-kun?

yuuutaruuu: wait wait hold up what

dicktator: What are you even talking about, Ushiwaka.~

iwachan: wtf i disagree

maddog: are u sure that #1 spiker spot isnt actually for #1 bullshitter?

ushijima: HAH

ushijima has cleared all nicknames

hoemakki: due to personal reasons the ushijima cult can no longer be :)

shitabu: lmao seijou is triggered

yeehawba: i’ll remember this for next year

shitabu: sure, try and get to the finals this time tho bby ( ˘ ³˘)

NOYANOYA: bro i just wanted to talk about my hedgehog

gawkshiki: WAIT YOU HAVE A HEDGEHOG?

furrykin: since when do you have a hedgehog

NOYANOYA: SINCE NOW

tsukei: You,,, got a hedgehog,,, even tho you barely manage to take care of yourself,,,

tanaCAW: DUDE FUCK YES

jesus: noya what have you done?

maddog: p

matsubrows: use your words, big guy

maddog: please talk about your hedgehog,,,

yamagucci: wait wait wait youre the angry blond from seijou that looks like a reese’s puff, yeah?

yeehawba: LMAO REESE’S PUFF

hoemakki has changed maddog to reese’s puff

reese’s puff: how do i change this

yeehawba: this is GREAT AODBSJSNSK

starboi.kawa: yahaba-kun i do believe everyone calls you cream puff~

yeehawba: senpai no

hoemakki has changed yeehawba to creampuff

creampuff: no how do i change this

reese’s puff: tHiS iS GreAt

creampuff: stfu

naruto: aww puff boyfriends

furrykin: i ship it

noshit: idk, yamaguchi might just snatch reese’s puff from him

creampuff: karasuno is cancelled, leave

yamagucci: wait so reese’s puff you like animals?

reese’s puff: yes,

watariswet: he’s a big softy guys its really adorabel!!

reese’s puff: im not afraid to beat you with your own arms

yamagucci: aww thats very cute reese’s puff

reese’s puff: i

creampuff: wtf no hes not shut up freckles

tsukei: Torn between amused and offended.

shitabu: lmao

starboi.kawa: yahaba~ green is not your color

hoemakki: but its still funny seeing him get all jealous

creampuff: IM NOT

creampuff: ITS

creampuff: I JUST DONT BELIEVE ANYONE FINDS KYOUTANI CUTE

reese’s puff: die mad

kubro: my my i never thought freckles could be so bold

kodzuken: you never think

kubro: does our friendship mean nothing to you?

gawshiki: I JUST SEARCHED UP WHAT A HEDGEHOG IS AND ITS SO CUTE!!!!!!!! I WANT ONE!!!

sunshinebaby: NOYA SENPAI THEY LOOK JUST LIKE YOU!!

watariswet: its so cute they dont know what hedgehogs are!

killme: no, its just sad

starboi.kawa: i think they kinda look like iwachan! mean and prickly~

iwaizumi: i will jump the roof, dont test me

starboi.kawa: do it i have snacks and movies

yuuutaruuuu: i do,,, agree that they kind of do look like you senpai

iwaizumi: kindaichi, please

thighchi: noya, did you even think about this?

NOYANOYA: to be fair, my impulse controls were NOT present lmao

watariswet: what?

NOYANOYA: ennoshita is like, 98% of my impulse control and the other 2% is asahi

kiwinishi: did you do any research beforehand?

NOYANOYA: i did actually!! before i got him i asked the cute guy at the pet store and apairently theyre low mantenince and easy to take care of so i can still focus hard on volleyball

tsukei: apparently*

shitabu: ...maintenance*

tanaCAW: oh shit did you get the cute guy’s number tho?

NOYANOYA: HELL YEAH I DID WE’RE GOING ON A DATE THIS WEEKEND

tanaCAW: AYYYYYY YOU GO MAN

hoemakki: congrats

sunshinebaby: NOYA YAY!!!

kiwinishi: be safe

NOYANOYA: I WILL BE THX YALL

NOYANOYA: ASAHI UR GONNA HELP ME FIND SMTH TO WEAR YA?

jesus: sksksjsjsjsjsa yes!!

sugamama: i hope you know u made him vibrate with excitement

watariswet: thats so cute!!

thighchi: it is

kagayama: ok so i searched up a hedgehog

kagayama: i got this weird blue anime guy?

nintendou: you what

starboi.kawa: TOBIOCHAAAAAN YOU BEING OBLIVIOUS AND CUTE MAKES ME FEEL INTENSE AMOUNTS OF RAGE~

creampuff: oh boy

sugamama: oh honey, no

semihard: i refuse to believe kageyama is real

tsukei: Sadly, he is.

matsubrows: sonic the anime, i am familiar

kiwinishi: my favorite anime

hoemakki: same same

thighchi: dont encourage him

sunshinebaby: bakageyama, how do you not know sonic?

kagayama: i dont think you know him either boke

sunshinebaby: UH YEAH I DO ACTUALLY

nintendou: pop quiz, what color are his eyes

kagayama: blue

sunshinebaby: black

hoemakki: trick question, he only has one eye

sunshinebaby: HE LOST AN EYE????

kagayama: he’s a pirate now

matsubrows: he lost an eye in the bite ‘87

hoemakki: bro wrong anime bro

matsubrows: oh shit my bad, the bite of ‘87 was Heathers, right?

creampuff: oh my god stop

NOYANOYA: SO i was thinking of naming my hedgehog sonic

reese’s puff: no thats so basic

hoemakki: name him naked

iwaizumi: what why

matsubrows: because you get to tell people over the phone that youre going to walk naked down the block

kubro: name him roadkill

noshit: ok there edgelord

jesus: please dont torture your pets like this

reese’s puff: wait @matsubrows who the fuck walks a hedgehog?

matsubrows: fun people

iwaizumi: no

NOYANOYA: TSUKKKKIIIIIII WHAT SHOULD I NAME HIM

tsukei: Stop that.

NOYANOYA: TSUKKI

tsukei: I refuse.

sugamama: tsukishima, he’s asking for your help

yamagucci: yeah tsukki! give the boy a name!

tsukei: Why are you asking me?

hoemakki: i have a few ideas as to why

NOYANOYA: you’re smart and you have good ideas sooooo

tsukei: Um. I’ll give you an answer when I figure it out.

NOYANOYA: AIGHT BET

yamagucci: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

sunshinebaby: so while looking up sonic i found some cartoon called pink panther

sunshinebaby: and i have a question

sugamama: yes kiddo?

sunshinebaby: is pink panther a lion

watariswet: when you share a brain cell with ur soulmate

shitabu: what.

kodzuken: shouyou...i worry for you

kubro: is pink panther a lion, the sequel to is sonic the anime

starboi.kawa: it’s a boyfriends thing to start sharing the same one brain cell tetsu-chan~

shitabu: no, they have HALF a brain cell that just bounces around like the DVD logo on a tv

kodzuken: like kuro when he’s with bokuto

kiwinishi: im having flashbacks to UST

kagayama: uropean standard time, im familiar

hoemakki: i take it back, these kids arent being raised at all

sugamama: HEY I TAUGHT THEM TO BE NICE AND WELL BEHAVED I DIDNT TEACH THEM TO BE SMART

starboi.kawa: obviously

yamagucci: do you two even listen to yacchan?

sunshinebaby: i listen

kagayama: last time we were studying you were wiggling your penis to make it look like rubber

tanaCAW: YOU WERE DOING WHAT IN FRONT OF WHO?

kubro: BWAHAHAHAHAHA

starboi.kawa: AAAAAAAAHAAJWHAQISNWOANk

matsubrows: oh

iwaizumi: YOU WERE WHAT

sunshinebaby: BAKAGEYAMA TAKE IT BACK

kagayama: pencil*

kagayama: SHUT UP BOKE I DIDNT NOTICE

creampuff: i worry for their future

thighchi: worry for mine instead, they’re about to send me to an early grave

shitabu: rip

sunshinebaby: no one answered my question!!!! this is rude!!!!!

tsukei: Repeat the question.

sunshinebaby: is pink panther a lion

yamagucci: repeat it agan

sunshinebaby: is pink panther a lion

starboi.kawa: its pink PANTHER, chibichan

sunshinebaby: what

thighchi: hinata he’s a panther, its in the name

sunshinebaby: what is that?

kubro: a PANTHER

sunshinebaby: is that a lion?

tsukei: No, it’s a fucking panther.

kodzuken: technically, panther also goes by cougar and mountain lion so

sunshine: i just searched it up and it’s not pink???

shitabu: AND A LION IS??

sunshinebaby: THEY ARE IN THAT OTHER AMERICAN CARTOON

gawshiki: awwww lucky america has pink lions AND pink panthers!!

kiwinishi: im going to have to ask you to stop talking to tsutomu, youre spreading your stupid onto him

hoemakki: didn’t his stupid spread onto all of us a lil

gawshiki: WAIT IM SICK?

shitabu: no, youre fucking stupid can you not read how did you make it onto shiratorizawa if you cant even read correctly he said he’s spreading his stupid not his sickness if youre going to be our next ace we’re doomed

nintendou: awww, shirabu you went too hard again

kiwinishi: he’s hiding under his blanket again, kenji

kubro: bullying isn’t nice~

semihard: youve obviously never met shirabu

kodzuken: dont mind, kuro isn’t nice either

kubro: LIES

kodzuken: you made lev cry the other day

starboi.kawa: it happens

sunshinebaby: SENPAI HOW COULD YOU

kubro: WAIT WTF YAKU MAKES HIM CRY EVERY DAY?

kubro: AND SO DID YOU?

kubro: tldr; ur mean

kodzuken: lies

kubro: you literally beat me with a drum stick the other day

sugamama: OH BTW HOW IS YAKU HE WE HAVENT TALKED IN A HOT MINUTE

kodzuken: between school and training lev, he’s been stressed

thighchi: why is yaku training lev?

kubro: he’s the only one that can handle him

sunshinebaby: AW YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN

gawshiki: who’s lev

sunshinebaby: he’s so cool and TALLL!

creampuff: isnt everyone tall to you?

sunshinebaby: not when i jump so HAH

yamagucci: almost everyone is, but this kid is even taller than tsukki so

hoemakki: wtf is that kid eating

kubro: children probably

kodzuken: well yaku is in charge of feeding him, so probably

sunshinebaby: lev IS russian for lion so!

gawshiki: HES RUSSIAN??????

sunshinebaby: half, he cant speak it tho :((

gawshiki: I WANNA MEET HIM!!!!

sunshinebaby: YES WE SHOULD ADD HIM

kodzuken: shouyou,,,

sunshinebaby: pls :((

gawshiki: :((

sugamama: no offense but hinata, goshiki and lev all in one group chat sounds awful

matsubrows has made sunshinebaby admin

matsubrows: do it

sunshinebaby: HECK YES!!

starboi.kawa: mattsun, you just love to watch people suffer dont you?~

hoemakki: a sadist, hot ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

matsubrows: ;))

reese’s puff: do you like to suffer, though?

matsubrows: are you asking me if im a masochist? because yes

reese’s puff: dont talk to me

matsubrows: hit me, daddy

reese’s puff: i will not

matsubrows: call me trash

reese’s puff: i refuse

sunshinebaby has added leg, demonsenpai, brokuto, and 7 more

brokuto: HEY HEY HEY

matsubrows: spit on me and call me a trash mammal

matsubrows: oh

brokuto: WHAT??!?!

iwaizumi: you need help

kubro: BWAHAHAHAHAAHAH

demonsenpai: uh

konohoo: well that’s one way to welcome someone

killme: GOD i just want someone to run me over with a steamroller

nintendou: oh same

nintendou: i want wakatoshi-kun to crush me with his biceps

ushijima: I will not murder you, Satori.

sugamama: i want daichi to choke me with his thighs

jesus: thats dangerous!!

sugamama: shut up you want it to

tanaCAW: u rlly know how to pick them huh daichi

thighchi: im not present

akaashi: Why is Bokuto-san screaming.

tsukei: Isn’t he always screaming?

akaashi: This is his disturbed, wailing shriek.

starboi.kawa: wtf that’s so specific

akaashi: Well Bokuto-san has his specific needs.

hoemakki: dont mind him oikawa’s just jealous couldn’t even crush a grape with his chicken legs

yamagucci: fair’s fair

starboi.kawa: MY LEGS ARE NOT CHICKEN LEGS MY LEGS ARE SEXY AND LONG

leg: MINE ARE SEXIER AND LONGER

demonsenpai: for one second stop being a competitive idiot

iwaizumi: shittykawa no one cares about your legs

shitabu: notice how he didnt deny the claims

ushijima: Oikawa does have nice legs, however.

iwaizumi: ew

starboi.kawa: i dont want your compliments they make me feel violated and groSS

ushijima: My apologies. They look awful, then?

nintendou: nice kill wakatoshi-kun!~

starboi.kawa: makki kick them

starboi.kawa: kick them out the chat right now i cant STAND TO LOOK AT THEM

shitabu: you’re not even looking at them

nintendou: then sit, silly!

starboi.kawa: i will beat you two with a chair THEN take a seat

iwaizumi: that’s not very threatening when you take a look at your arms

starboi.kawa: how do people have loyal friends?

starboi.kawa: where do you find them?

hoemakki: dont worry i’ll handle it, oikawa

starboi.kawa: awww i knew you were a true friend makki (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

hoemakki has kicked starboi.kawa

iwaizumi: why have you done this

creampuff: nOOOOOOOOOO

reese’s puff: good riddance

akaashi: RIP.

kiwinishi: damn, that shit was cold

NOYANOYA: NICE KILL

ushijima: Why did you kick him?

matsubrows: its what he would have wanted

iwaizumi: makki

hoemakki: whats the matter iwa? already missing oikawa?

iwaizumi: no he’s ALreAdY nagging me to add him back

semihard: block him

iwaizumi: you dont understand. we are sitting next to each other

semihard: welp.

leg: NOW I AM THE SEXIEST LEG MAN

sunshinebaby: LEV HI

leg: SHOUYOU!!!!

gawshiki: LEV HI IM GOSHIKI

souljaboi: INUOKA

kubro: dont join them :’)

watariswet: WATARI

bokutowl: BOKUTO

yamagucci: TSUKKIIIIIII

NOYANOYA: TSUKKI

tsukei: I won’t name your hedgehog.

NOYANOYA: IM SORRY

motomoto: AYYYEEEEE HYPE TRAIN

tanaCAW: BROOOOOOOO YAMAMOTO

motomoto: TANAKA HEYY WHATS UP MAN

tanaCAW: I WASNT RECRUITED INTO A CULT AND IM UPSET ABOUT IT

motomoto: YOU WHAT

konohoo: oh

sugamama: youre not that upset tho

hoemakki: cult fell apart man, nothing lasts forever

watariswet: but you hung out all day with a cute girl and had dinner thats so lucky!!

tanaCAW: YOU KNOW WHAT HANGING OUT WITH YACCHAN WAS GREAT YOURE RIGHT

motomoto: BRO YOU HAD A DATE??

tanaCAW: NAH BRO YACCHI IS JUST AMAZING AND SWEET

yamagucci: YACCHI APPRECIATION CLUB WHERE YA AT?

sunshinebaby: HERE

kagayama: present

tsukei: Yes.

NOYANOYA: YAH BABY

shimizu: Here.

sugamama: all of karasuno is part of the appreciation club ofc

tanaCAW: TRUE

kubro: this is cute and all but @watariswet no its not?

watariswet: i will block you shiro

tsukei: We’ve already talked about this, Kuroo-san.

kodzuken: kuro please dont start

demonsenpai: we GET it, you’re a nerd for chemistry

kubro: this is cyberbullying

iwaizumi: speaking of cyberbullying

iwaizumi: add oikawa back

hoemakki: oh would you look at that the time i have to go watch porn bYEEEEE

tanaCAW: lmao have fun man

motomoto: so blunt, so manly（￣へ￣)

NOYANOYA: link me some good ones man

semihard: no,,, dont do that wtf stop talking

iwaizumi: matsukawa, add him back

matsubrows: sorry, watching porn with the bro ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ yknow how it is

iwaizumi: i hate both of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i’ll be nice and i’ll write a fluff/crack/parody fic like this where it’s fun, maybe funny idk, and lighthearted but mostly stupid and short
> 
> other times i’ll plan a whole ass fic where the entire team of seijou gets kidnapped after losing against karasuno because obviously they didn’t suffer enough that day and neither did i :p


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ushijima has added starboi.kawa
> 
> starboi.kawa: ok so,
> 
> iwaizumi: here we go
> 
> starboi.kawa: here’s what we’re not gonna do: disrespect me like this

[10:50] fuck oikawa lives

hoemakki: IWAIZUMI CONTROL YOUR MANS

iwaizumi: 1 i dont own oikawa

iwaizumi: 2 he’s not my mans

shitabu: funny how you knew he was talking about him tho

iwaizumi: shut up twink

semihard: FUCKSHAHSHAHAHSHAHAA

tsukei: Twink is very fitting, actually.

leg: whats a twink

demonsenpai: dont worry about it

kubro: yaku is a twink

kodzuken: u have a death wish

leg: OH SO IT MEANS SHORT

demonsenpai: peace was never an option

kagayama: hinata is a twink

sunshinebaby: SHUT UP NO IM NOOOOOOOT

sugamama: ALFNWOSNWOAKQJSJSKAA

leg: ur pretty short tho, shoyou, so ur a twink

sunshinebaby: NOOOO THEN SO IS NOYA SENPAI

NOYANOYA: DO YOU WANNA DIE

thighchi: NO

jesus: pls dont call sunshine boy a twink, or any of the other 1 years :(

kubro: boooo boring

shitabu: I AM NOT A TWINK???

iwaizumi: yeah ok

shitabu: WTF IM NOT

semihard: there there

shitabu: dont patronize me i will stab you

iwaizumi: what’s oikawa doing anyways

sugamama: ur not calling him by one of ur nicknames?

iwaizumi: not behind his back

hoemakki: he keeps spamming me with sad memes and creepy pictures of furries pointing guns at me

watariswet: hes hAH

noshit: like,,, drawings or fursuits

hoemakki: yes

hoemakki: ngl i kinda wanna buy one and show up to his house for the shits n giggles,,,

matsubrows: wait what

iwaizumi: just add him back

matsubrows: we’re just gonna brush over that

killme: i dont wanna hear about his kinks

kiwinishi: it b like that sometimes

konohoo: yeah basically

ushijima: I could always add him back?

hoemakki: you beautiful, kind, beefy muscle daddy, pls add him back ill love u forever

semihard: pls dont simp over our ace, tendou and shirabu do it enough as is

nintendou: dont disrespect the simp, karen

shitabu: u rlly wanna die huh semi-san :))

semihard: yeah kinda

killme: saaaaame

ushijima: I do not need your eternal love.

hoemakki: welp

matsubrows: lol u just got rejected

hoemakki: matsu daddy take me back

matsubrows: maybe if you ask nicely ;)

thighchi: nope, not doing that

ushijima has added starboi.kawa

starboi.kawa: ok so,

iwaizumi: here we go

starboi.kawa: here’s what we’re not gonna do: disrespect me like this

ushihima: You’re welcome.

starboi.kawa: thats a perfect example of the kind of disrespect targeted towards me that we are NOT going to do

hoemakki: disrespect YOU???

hoemakki: YOU SENT ME FURSUITS AND MADE ME QUESTION MY AFFILIATION TO HUMANITY

naruto: ok well,

akaashi: That sounds like a personal problem.

starboi.kawa: ^ YOU DIDNT ADD ME BACK YOU ASSHAT

reese’s puff: i think there was a reason for that one

tanaCAW: ushijima added you back tho man

iwaizumi: exactly, oikawa u should thank ushijima

starboi.kawa: iwachan i will not

matsubrows: now ur just disrespecting other people

yamagucci: hypocrisy at its finest

starboi.kawa: shut up and lets do a take two, yeah?

starboi.kawa: ill leave again, and someone else, someone other than ushijima, add me back

shitabu: ok

iwaizumi: solid plan

reese’s puff: k

hoemakki: are you gonna leave?

matsubrows: u have 2 leave for it to work

starboi.kawa: no i dont like your tones and i dont trust you

kubro: wise decision

creampuff: awww senpai 

[11:05] Private Chat  
maddog > yeehawba

maddog: keep me company

yeehawba: what

yeehawba: did you get hit in the face with a stray volleyball today?

maddog: ha ha ur so fucking funny

yeehawba: im glad youve finally realized maddog-chan~

maddog: nevermind

maddog: dont talk to me ever again im going alone

yeehawba: wait noooo stop being a drama queen

maddog: no

yeehawba: why dont you just ask someone else?

maddog: watari is busy, you try getting kunimi to go anywhere, kindaichi is scared of me, and im not asking the third years 

yeehawba: so you came to me?

maddog: do you want to fucking go or not

yeehawba: that depends

maddog: on. what.

yeehawba: buy me lunch

maddog: fine whatever

yeehawba: wait REALLY?

maddog: sure

yeehawba: i dont,,, believe you

maddog: welp

yeehawba: where are we going anyways

maddog: i wanna get stabbed

yeehawba: you WHAT

maddog: in the face

yeehawba: KYOUTANI MAD DOG KENTAROU WHAT

maddog: mad dog isnt my middle name wtf

yeehawba: WHERE ARE YOU PLANNING ON TAKING ME YOU BRUTE

maddog: knife fight

yeehawba: I WILL NOT

maddog: free food

yeehawba: IM NOT THAT DESPERATE FOR FREE FOOD

maddog: hm

yeehawba: DONT EVEN TRY TO GO ALONE I WILL TELL IWAIZUMI-SAN

maddog: relax creampuff, im kidding

yeehawba: SURE

maddog: i wanna get a piercing

yeehawba: what, why

maddog: theyre cool

maddog: and there’s no more volleyball now so i can get it and give it time to heal

yeehawba: where?

maddog: the studio my sister used to work at

yeehawba: you have a sister?

maddog: yes

yeehawba: oh, cool

yeehawba: anyways i meant where as in

yeehawba: like

yeehawba: where are you piercing ur bod? your ear?

maddog: no, my dick

yeehawba: wtf ew ew ew ew ew im not going no

yeehawba: that sounds awful why would you want that ewwww

maddog: i heard it feels good when u play with it

yeehawba: KYOUTANI. WHAT.

maddog: good stimuli

yeehawba: STOP I WILL BLOCK YOU EW

maddog: ill let u see my dick if u want

yeehawba: IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE PERSUASIVE???

maddog: is it working?

yeehawba: EW STOP UR SO WEIRD

maddog: im kidding

yeehawba: stop playing with my emotions like this your jokes are awful

maddog: thats not what ur mom said

yeehawba: KYOUTANI

maddog: im getting my nose pierced

maddog: i already have my ears pierced so

yeehawba: wait u do?

maddog: uh yeah

maddog: i take them out usually but sometimes i forget

yeehawba: ive never seen u with piercings, never even seen a hole?

maddog: idk u dont look at me so

yeehawba: i literally had you up against a wall that one time

maddog: ur actually talking about that?

yeehawba: uh yeah? why wouldnt i?

maddog: idk its weird

yeehawba: is it?

maddog: kinda

yeehawba: anyways we were face to face, you smelled like chicken, deodorant and sweat

maddog: u smelled me? thats weird

yeehawba: im trying to say that we were REALLY close and that if i could smell u i would have seen ur piercings too

maddog: did u look at my ears?

yeehawba: well

yeehawba: no

maddog: then where were u looking

yeehawba: uh

yeehawba: idk

maddog: dumbass

maddog: r u coming or not?

yeehawba: free food after?

maddog: yep

yeehawba: alright fine

maddog: really?

yeehawba: beats having to babysit

maddog: cool send me ur address

yeehawba has shared location

maddog: k ill be there in 10

yeehawba: cool

maddog: shut up

[12:20] fuck oikawa lives

creampuff: how did i get here

pinkwolfy uwu: well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much

iwaizumi: i dont have a dad

sunshinebaby: me neither!!!!

gawshiki: ^ !!!!!!

kiwinishi: my parents hated each other

akaashi: Mine are divorced.

kagayama: ://

konohoo: mine said i was an accident

pinkwolfy uwu: well now i just feel bad

pinkwolfy uwu: so im going to need yall angsty bois to stfu

reese’s puff: @creampuff shut up its not that bad

starboi.kawa: oh?~

sugamama: do you need help, yahaba?

creampuff: YES

matsubrows: wait deadass?

reese’s puff: no he’s just being a drama queen

noshit: i hate you assholes, i worry easily

jesus: ^

jesus: but like,,, only the second half of that statement

thighchi: stop being cute and nice

kubro: fr, it makes the rest of us look bad

tsukei: That’s just your face.

brokuto: OHOOOOOHOHO

kubro: dude

kodzuken: he has a point, kuro

kubro: DONT RUB IT IN

watariswet: what’s up, shigeru?

creampuff: terushima

watariswet: ...what??

tsukei: Johzenji’s captain?

reese’s puff: yep

iwaizumi: what about him

creampuff: ive seen him down 3 red bulls in the past half hour and with each one downed my sanity also downs

killme: lol

tanaCAW: wait ya’ll hang out with johzenji’s cap?

creampuff: no

reese’s puff: no

yamagucci: OH ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE RLLY HOT GUY

sugamama: CHILD

tsukei: Yamaguchi, shut up. Stop thirsting over him already.

yamagucci: BUT TSUKKI HAVE YOU SEEN THE GUY

tsukei: Please. I’ve had enough. I can’t do this anymore.

yamagucci: oh like i love listening to u talk about how cute and short you-know-who is

tsukei: Yamaguchi, shut up.

tanaCAW: HE THINKS SOMEONE IS CUTE AND SHORT???

motomoto: bro that could be anyone

shitabu: ok but johzenji’s cap looks like ur everyday fuckboy

yamagucci: sir i am aware and i am still a simp for this man ok, i want to feel his tongue piercing ok

demonsenpai: EW STOP

nintendou: saucy ;^)

NOYANOYA: OWNSOANSISNSKAA

tanaCAW: HOLY FUCK YAMAGUCHI?!?!?!!!??

thigchu: CHILD???

brokuto: HOOT HOOT YKNOW

starboi.kawa: i never thought freckles-chan would be this blunt??? wtf???

tsukei: Oh please. This is tame for Yamaguchi.

kubro: we have been lied to

akaashi: You should have known he isn’t shy and plain if he’s Tsukishima-kun’s friend.

creampuff: YAMAGUCHI I WILL GIVE YOU HIS NUMBER IF YOU PROMISE TO DISTRACT HIM AND GET HIM TO LEAVE ME TF ALONE

yamagucci: fuck really?

thighchi: wait no i dont approve

creampuff: y e s really

thighchi: no*

yamagucci: DUDE HELL YEAH

thighchi: wronG ANSWER

yamagucci: DADCHI LISTEN LET ME HIT UP THE HOT DUDE IT WONT HURT ANYONE

pinkwolfy uwu: if you do it properly it wont

konohoo: ew lmao

thighchi: STOP

tsukei: There’s no stopping him now.

jesus: maybe we should ask shimizu what she thinks since yknow, he harassed her and all?

sunshinebaby: AND HE YAUGHT ME

kagayama: i think its yeeted

demonsenpai: i think you both need to stfu

semihard: just say he threw you

yamagucci: fine fine fine, shimizu?

shimizu: Well, after they lost he came to me with free food and apologized for being a jerk so I say I trust you to make your own decisions.

yamagucci: K THX UR THE BEST!!1!1!

thighchi: n O

tanaCAW: DO NOT DISRESPECT SHIMIZU

NOYANOYA: SHE HAS SPOKEN

motomoto: WE ARE ALL TO FOLLOW HER WISDOM AND GRACE

sunshinebaby: UR FRATURNEYESING WITH THE ENEMY

tsukei: Please learn how to spell.

sunshinebaby: fraturniceing

noshit: no

sugamama: yamaguchi tadashi, you better answer us

konohoo: what am i witnessing

nintendou: teenage rebellion~

pinkwolfy uwu: porn in the making

brokuto: LOVE

shitabu: probably an awful heartbreak

killme: karasuno losing their shit

motomoto: SEX

fukitty: (゜ロ゜)

thighchi: STOP

starboi.kawa: hold on hold on hold on~

starboi.kawa: yahaba-kun, where are you?

creampuff: knife fight

reese’s puff: wow

starboi.kawa: WHAT

nintendou: oh shit plot twist

kiwinishi: yeah i went to one of those

kiwinishi: i got stabbed 

shitabu: lmao

leg: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING????

semihard: he’s an asshole, u get used to it

shitabu: he’s fine now so its ok to laugh

kiwinishi: i almost lost a finger

shitabu: but ur fine now so

semihard: stop being an ass

shitabu: ugghhhhhhh fine

thighchi: i rlly just lost a child to johzenji huh

creampuff: it was for the greater good

starboi.kawa: WHY ARE YOU AT A KNIFE FIGHT?

creampuff: maddog kidnapped me

reese’s puff: ok hold on

nintendou: aww, a knife fight date

matsubrows: instead of a bouquet of flowers its a bouquet of fingers

shitabu: if i wasnt being nice rn i would say kiwinishi’s finger was almost in that bouquet

shitabu: but im being nice

shitabu: so

semihard: wow

pinkwolfy uwu: its gross i love it

pinkwolfy uwu: would it be edible fingers

matsubrows: just 4 u bby

pinkwolfy uwu: hot

iwaizumi: i hate this chat

kagayama: that would be cannibalism, right?

tsukei: Wow. You actually know something, for once.

sugamama: yes it would be, kageyama

kagayama: why is cannibalism bad?

tsukei: Aaaaaand the moment is over.

sunshinebaby: BECAUSE THATS MURDER BAKAGEYAMA

kagayama: animals do it

iwaizumi: we’re not animals

kodzuken: but is an animal eating another animal cannibalism

kodzuken: or is it specific to species?

akaashi: Please stop going to bed at sunrise. 

kodzuken: Keiji...

akaashi: It’s caused you serious brain damage.

kodzuken: nooooo

demonsenpai: pls listen to your partner

kodzuken: hhhhhhhhhhhfine

kubro: wow, whIPPED

brokuto: AWWWW AGASSHAUIA THATS SO CUTE

akaashi: You would be too if you manned up.

brokuto: AGGAAHSHIAHAI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHHHSHSHSHSHSHHHHSHSHHHHHH

reese’s puff: anyways, i did not kidnap anyone and we’re not at a knife fight

nintendou: plot twist x2

souljaboi: where are you then?

noshit: hold on who is this man

souljaboi: ;) the man of ur dreams

nintendou: smooth~

reese’s puff: i got a piercing

creampuff: and i got free food

pinkwolfy uwu: niiiice

sugamama: what?

matsubrows: damn, now im craving free food

reese’s puff: i got a piercing and yahaba got free food

shitabu: sounds like a date

creampuff: yeah, watching someone stab maddog in the face was real romantic <33

starboi.kawa: everything makes more sense now

iwaizumi: does it really

sunshinebaby: YOU GOT A PIERCING THATS SO COOL

sunshinebaby: WHERE???

reese’s puff: uh

reese’s puff: nose?

shitabu: youre unsure on where you got the piercing?

reese’s puff: no

reese’s puff: shut up

sunshinebaby: I WOULD GET A PIERCING BUT I FEEL LIKE I WOULD PASS OUT

kagayama: oh

matsubrows: fake a piercing

sunshinebaby: OH YEAH THATS A GOOD IDEA UR SO SMART

tsukei: Anyone talking to you is smart by default.

matsubrows: ouch

watariswet: OH THATS WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO KYOU

reese’s puff: yeah

watariswet: i told u u should ask him

creampuff: what

reese’s puff: nothing

demonsenpai: why didn’t you just go alone?

creampuff: dude he’s afraid of needles

reese’s puff: no

jesus: well i am

sugamama: im with you on this one bby, needles are scary

jesus: ;u;

reese’s puff: theyre not scary

furrykin: sounds like u think they r

reese’s puff: no

kubro: ur being defensive

kodzuken: kuro when u got ur cartilage pierced you passed out

kubro: OK NO LISTEN CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT

brokuto: OH SHIT AIDBSISJANAKA I REMEMBER THIS

thighchi: waiting for the context

kubro: I DIDNT SLEEP AND I DIDNT EAT ANYTHING BEFORE PLUS THE GUY USED A GUN WHILE I WAS STANDING SO

reese’s puff: where tf did u go where they’re using guns to pierce ur cartilage?

demonsenpai: for all we know, bokuto probably pierced it for him

kubro: i may be dumb, but i am not stupid enough to let bokuto near my head with any kind of gun

brokuto: bro :((

kubro: noah fence bro

kodzuken: didnt you-know-who drive you home

kubro: STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

kodzuken: lol

sunshinebaby: voldemort drove you home?

kodzuken: basically

yamagucci: YA BOI IS IN THE DMS

thighchi: I SO STRONGLY DISAPPROVE

yamagucci: LMAO THAT SUCKS

sugamama: hey, respect ur elders

starboi.kawa: old people creep me out

iwaizumi: of course they do

[15:45] Private Chat  
ushijima > nintendou

ushijima: How do you go about asking people out?

nintendou: whaaaaat

ushijima: How do you ask someone out?

nintendou: awwww is our miracle boy trying to ask a certain someone out?

ushijima: I was only thinking about it, but yes.

nintendou: wakatoshi-kun what brought this on?~

ushijima: I was reading one of your books earlier today and it reminded me of him. It made me realize I want to pursue a relationship, maybe.

nintendou: wow!! okay ummmmm,

nintendou: its our favorite setter, right?

ushijima: Yes.

nintendou: ok well does he know u like him? like more than a friend?

ushijima: I have complimented his appearance and his sets before.

nintendou: how did he react?

ushijima: He yelled at me. I think he may be shy?

nintendou: ok wow

nintendou: well, lets start simple~

nintendou: how about like

nintendou: u start off small? just let him be aware ur interested?

ushijima: Ok.

nintendou: and when u think he reciprocates u can ask him out!!!

ushijima: I understand.

nintendou: and asking someone out isnt too hard, it can be somethifn like…

nintendou: “i like u. do you want to go on a date with  
me?”

ushijima: Just like that?

nintendou: yep

ushijima: Ok. Thank you, Satori.

nintendou: of course

nintendou: what are friends for :)

[16:20] fuck oikawa lives

pinkwolfy uwu: blaze it

nintendou: alrdy ahead of u ;))

iwaizumi: literally stfu

demonsenpai: stop. there are children. get some help

semihard: tendou dont say that

nintendou: semisemi, i got the sads ;((

furrykin: no offence but i read that as aids

semihard: i know satori, ur latched onto me like a leech

gawshiki: YOU GUYS ARE CUDDLING WITHOUT ME????

nintendou: go cuddle ur own roommate

gawshiki: taichi?

kiwinishi: ugh fine

gawshiki: :DD

shitabu: gross

sunshinebaby: well bakageyama and i beat all of you

kagayama: boke dont tell them

pinkwolfy uwu: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

yamagucci: we been knew

creampuff: ^

NOYANOYA: SAIL

tanaCAW: dunnunnununun nu nu nunununu

akaashi: What?

jesus: its better to not ask

thighchi: um,,, is everyone ok?

kodzuken: define ok, because ive been blasting random spotify workout playlists while playing subway surfers between turns on my imessage pool game w keiji every night till 5am

brokuto: AGAGAAAAHSIIIII YOU NEED SLEEP!!!

akaashi: juss boyfren tingz

demonsenpai: wow

konohoo: ur our only setter, no pressure

souljaboi: ^

kubro: im about to confiscate all ur phones

kodzuken: i can wait till i get rich and have a security guard to keep u away from me and my 1,000,000+ electronics

kubro: keep dreaming

jesus: uh,,, everone else ok?

killme: no

yuuutaruuuu: im coming over w snacks

killme: getting better

semihard: satori is fine

ushijima: What happened?

nintendou: MY FAVORITE CHARACTER DIED

watariswet: oof

ushijima: I’m sorry for your loss.

semihard: hes getting over it

sugamama: what about my kids? yall ok?

kagayama: the boke is jealous im leaving and came over to fight me

reese’s puff: and u ended up cuddling somehow?

sunshinebaby: YEP!!!

tsukei: It’s better to not question idiocy.

watariswet: u say idiocy, i say everyone but me is getting cuddles

brokuto: AAAAWWWWWW :((

souljaboi: id hug u if i wasnt all the way in tokyo

pinkwolfy uwu: yeah sure just flex on us too

matsubrows: hana im bringing food prepare ur bod 4 cuddles

pinkwolfy uwu: u wanna make out 2?

matsubrows: bet

iwaizumi: ...

starboi.kawa: yeah so anyways, the group name sucks

pinkwolfy uwu: idk i kinda like it

reese’s puff: ^

iwaizumi: ^

matsubrows: ^

killme: idc

ushijima: It is vulgar.

starboi.kawa: stfu no one asked for ur opinion

nintendou: dw, his life motto is the gc name ;^))

starboi.kawa: excuse u wat

pinkwolfy uwu: ur his type :p

starboi.kawa: i dont like what ur insinuating

matsubrows: he wants sum fucc

ushijima: What?

starboi.kawa: suddenly i cant read

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU CALL ME TO READ IT FOR ME AND THEN HANG UP

iwaizumi: just helping you out

starboi.kawa: HOW IS THAT HELPING???

starboi.kawa: if i get one more phone call im blocking all of you

starboi.kawa: …

starboi.kawa: i hate ALL OF YOU STOP CALLING ME IM NOT GONNA BLOCK YOU

iwaizumi: damn

pinkwolfy uwu: maybe next time bois ;((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN LIKE A LIL OVER A WEEK BUT I LIVE WHOO
> 
> anyways, i had a big struggle writing this and i still dont like it per se, but i have ideas for the next chapter so i have that to look forward to, n hopefully pushing out this chapter helped lmao
> 
> i havent done anything productive since the last chapter other than draw a lil, write like 1000 words on my kidnapping seijoh fic and hate it bc im bad at writing, and make seijoh in sims 4 (the first thing kyoutani autonomously did when i started playing was hug oikawa and that just warmed my kyoutanj loving (and kyoi loving—there need to be more fics of them wtf) heart lmao)
> 
> ya, so here we go with some rare-pairs; akaken is rlly cute fight me and i love me some teruyama. what do u think about ushijima aboutta ask his mans out? and what about the kyoutani and yahaba moments? :P


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jesus: tell me you weren’t sexting
> 
> iwaizumi: or sending nudes @starboi.kawa
> 
> starboi.kawa: SHUT IT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

[03:02] fuck oikawa lives

starboi.kawa: iwachan

starboi.kawa: iwachaaaan

starboi.kawa: iwaCHAN

starboi.kawa: IWA C HA N

starboi.kawa: I

starboi.kawa: W

starboi.kawa: A

starboi.kawa: C

starboi.kawa: H

starboi.kawa: A

starboi.kawa: N

starboi.kawa: (`皿´＃)

starboi.kawa: hajime

iwaizumi: ahy

starboi.kawa: what?

starboi.kawa: achoo?

starboi.kawa: bless u?

iwaizumi: stips pmmakng

iwaizumi: what*

starboi.kawa: ssisksjksk are u ok??

iwaizumi: shuy up is just uwoke ups

starboi.kawa: aww iwachan

iwaizumi: if uw sont etell me what ir is u wan

iwaizumi: ips enter

iwaizumi: hs nto even suing the ehbarder

starboi.kawa: ur not making any sense iwachan

iwaizumi: gmtdi shuy ul

starboi.kawa: sksjsksjsks ur so cute like this

iwaizumi: shyt it rfrapptkawa

starboi.kawa: how r u gonna spell like that and still be mean to me? pick a struggle

iwaizumi: im gorbnw kill u

starboi.kawa: no u wont, you’d miss me too much iwachan (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

iwaizumi: ffs wat do us wnt

starboi.kawa: i cant sleep

iwaizumi: well i can goodnight

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN NO WAIT

pinkwolfy uwu: perfect grammar and everything

matsubrows: cold

kodzuken: ouch

NOYANOYA: NICE KIILLLLL

starboi.kawa: wait

staboi.kawa: what do you MEAN THIS IS THE GROUP CHAT

killme: hi

yamagucci: ya lmao this is the gc

jesus: what are you doing awake yamaguchi you’re usually asleep by now?

NOYANOYA: why are YOU awake?

starboi.kawa: im fine thanks everyone for asking

pinkwolfy uwu: ur welcome <3

jesus: suga wanted to watch a scary movie now i cant sleep

matsubrows: ur scared?

jesus: yes

NOYANOYA: u have two bfs just cuddle up to them loser

pinkwolfy uwu: imagine having two bfs

matsubrows: sounds like fun i can be ur player one

pinkwolfy uwu: lol no

matsubrows: my only crime is that i was down to clown

killme: @god strike me dead

jesus: everything ok with you, yamaguchi?

yamagucci: lol ya i was just talking w/ teru

iwaizumi: at 3am?

matsubrows: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

starboi.kawa: the devil’s hour

nintendou: the hour of nasties ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

jesus: tell me you weren’t sexting

iwaizumi: or sending nudes @starboi.kawa

starboi.kawa: SHUT IT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

semihard: do i wanna know?

pinkwolfy uwu: idk, maybe? he has hot abs

iwaizumi: ew stop

matsubrows: “ew” he says as if he doesnt fantasize about licking his sweaty abs after practice n then come rant to me afterwards

starboi.kawa: oh

iwaizumi: I DO NOT???

matsubrows: yeah but i bet u want to,,,

iwaizumi: SHUT UP

nintendou: so defensive

pinkwolfy uwu: dude i would 10/10 lick those abs

semihard: dude that is 10/10 gross

yamagucci: ^ gross

starboi.kawa: STOP CALLING ME GROSS??

matsubrows: no <3

starboi.kawa: I AM NOT GROSS WTF

iwaizumi: one time we were at training camp and i got up bc i had to take a piss and u when i looked over @ u u had a bug on ur face that crawled into ur mouth and i think you ate it

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN???

killme: did it crunch?

pinkwolfy uwu: SKAKDKWJDKS “DID OT CRUNCH”

starboi.kawa: SHUT UP SHUT IT NO STOP

yamagucci: anyways, we were talking about chill things NOT sexting ya nasties

iwaizumi: at 3am?

yamagucci: well it WAS 9 when we started talking

yamagucci: lost track of time ig ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

matsubrows: whipped

nintendou: how romantic~

semihard: you were just saying they were doing other things

nintendou: its all jokes here semisemi bby calm down

iwaizumi: at 3am

starboi.kawa: iwachaaaan pls tell me i didnt eat a bug

iwaizumi: u woke me up at 3am and now i cant go back to sleep

starboi.kawa: THATS NOT WHAT I ASKED

matsubrows: lol

pinkwolfy uwu: wait hold on i dont think i got the time

iwaizumi: its 3am

starboi.kawa: IWACHAN PLS TELL ME I DIDNT EAT A BUG

nintendou: its the eating bugs for me 

starboi.kawa: I DONT EAT BUGS

kodzuken: not consciously

shitabu: r we supposed to believe he doesn’t wake u up at 3am all the time?

iwaizumi: usually i just leave the window open a crack (bc air is nice) and he crawls in like the cockroach he is with movies and milk bread and i pretend to watch them 

NOYANOYA: nO FAIR

yamagucci: that sounds terrifying

pinkwolfy uwu: on god

kodzuken: kuroo does the same but he forces me to sleep instead

semihard: good, i hope he visits again tonight its late

kodzuken: blocked for bullying/harassment

shitabu: if only we could block semi-san irl

semihard: aww, dont pretend you dont love me and wouldn’t miss me <3

shitabu: go fys

semihard: wanna help?

matsubrows: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

pinkwolfy uwu: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

nintendou: immaculate

starboi.kawa: N E WAYS

starboi.kawa: ignoring how ur a compulsive liar and absolutely RUDE iwachan, 

yamagucci: petty

killme: you have no idea

starboi.kawa: can i come over and watch alien documentaries youuuuuu?

iwaizumi: make it godzilla or im locking the window tonight

starboi.kawa: ...ugh fine

iwaizumi: it’s open

NOYANOYA: sure just flex on us why dont you

nintendou: u sound positively prickly tonight~

shitabu: this morning

pinkwolfy uwu: nerd

jesus: you ok, yuu?

matsubrows: yuu ok?

pinkwolfy uwu: yuu on kazoo?

killme: shut up thats so old

pinkwolfy uwu: like ur mom

NOYANOYA: bad date

shitabu: oh yeah date with the animal store guy right?

NOYANOYA: OK SO

yamagucci: op

NOYANOYA: CAN I RANT???

yamagucci: im all ears

jesus: it helps to get it all out!

matsubrows: ya

nintendou: ^

starboi.kawa: ooooh drama

iwaizumi: it was a cockroach

starboi.kawa: STOP IM GONNA CRY

matsubrows: ew lol

iwaizumi: its probably still alive

starboi.kawa: IWAXHAN STOP THSIS IS LIKE THOSE ALIEN MOCIES SHUT UP

semihard: …

jesus: yuu? ur still typing?

NOYANOYA: so the dude was rlly cute and he helped me so i thought he would be nice but he takes me out to this resterant and when i finish my order the first thing he says is “wow u sure eat a lot for such a little guy”

yamagucci: wtf

killme: restaurant*

pinkwolfy uwu: tbh no one can spell that

shitabu: i can

pinkwolfy uwu: i CaN uWo

NOYANOYA: and so i was offended because 1 he called me “a little guy”

NOYANOYA: 2 i know i eat a lot but im also constantly jumping around, during and out of practice and i just have a high metabulisam or smth idk and

semihard: i see you typing shirabu, stop.

shitabu: ugh fine

NOYANOYA: 3 ive talked to him ONCE and he just pulls out this rude guy act out of nowhere and i was surprised

starboi.kawa: iwachan says it was a dick move regardless and i agree!

jesus: ^

shitabu: is that all?

yamagucci: dont be a dick

semihard: dont b 

semihard: oh 

shitabu: anyways, i just mean that thats a dick move, yeah, but nishinoya-san doesnt strike me as someone who would hold a grudge so long if that was all

NOYANOYA: FAIR ASSESSMENT BC NO THAT WASNT ALL

pinkwolfy uwu: op x2

killme: oofie

jesus: :((

NOYANOYA: SO THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE DINNER HE KEPT TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF AND SOME OF THE MOST BORING THINGS AND ONE TIME!!! ONCE!!! (1)!!!! HE ASKED ME ABOUT MYSELF I SAID I PLAY VOLLEYBALL

NOYANOYA: AND THIS JERK SAYS “isn’t that a girl’s sport that dudes only watch bc of the shorts or their gf is on the team?”

starboi.kawa: WHAT

yamagucci: ew wtf?

ushijima: Throw away the entire man.

semihard: i cant believe dissing vball woke him up

nintendou: you cant?

matsubrows: his volleyball senses were tingling

semihard: also wtf thats so demeaning to...everyone?

shitabu: im

shitabu: i cant believe ushijima said “throw the whole mans away”

iwaizumi: no but really, throw him

yamagucci: yeet him

jesus: you didnt fight him did you??

pinkwolfy uwu: did you yote him?

matsubrows: i think its yeeted

starboi.kawa: what? its yaught

iwaizumi: youre all idiots

iwaizumu: its yeet

starboi.kawa: ur wrong and u should go to bed

iwaizumi: aight imma head out

semihard: that is not the same person from day one

nintendou: we broke him

pinkwolfy uwu: rip, couldnt be me

NOYANOYA: N E WAYS I WAS GONNA YEET THE MANS BUT I STILL DIDNT GET MY FOOD YET AND I WAS HUNGRY RIGHT AND HES PAYING SO I DECIDE TO NOT RIP HIM A NEW ONE

nintendou: free food, respectable

NOYANOYA: BUT THE LAST STRAW WAS AT THE END OF THE DATE HE GAVE ME A GIFT AND IT WAS HAIR DYE BC HE DIDNT LIKE MY BLONDE TUFT

yamagucci: dude, i love the blond tuft wtf

kodzuken: if i had a penny for everytime someone gifted me brown or blond hair dye to redye...

jesus: thats so mean!! Yuu, I’m so sorry. You looked so good, too. ;n;

matsubrows: pls tell me u decked him or smth

iwaizumi: ^

NOYANOYA: nah he said no offence

shitabu: wait what

starboi.kawa: U FORGAVE HIM?????

jesus: YUU NO

nintendou: insert clown emoji

NOYANOYA: guys chill lmao i told him i bought him a gift too, and that its a penis pump

NOYANOYA: he looked so offended and just left

jesus: oh yuu,,,

starboi.kawa: SOANSKSKAKSNSKAJSKAKS

iwaizumi: FUCK WOW OK

yamagucci: NOYAAAAAAAAAA UR MY HERO U HAVE MY BLESSING

NOYANOYA: wat

ushijima: Good.

shitabu: ushijima approved

nintendou: nice kill~

matsubrows: ^

pinkwolfy uwu: imagine being so triggered after being a literal ass all date

NOYANOYA: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

kodzuken: did u at least keep the hair dye?

NOYANOYA: yes free gift i might play around with it later

matsubrows: i dare u to dye all ur hair blond

NOYANOYA: oooooooooo

NOYANOYA: i would but its brown dye lmao

pinkwolfy uwu: OH OH OH I HAVE AN IDEA

killme: no

iwaizumi: absolutely not

starboi.kawa: N O IM HAVING FLASHBACKS

pinkwolfy uwu: GUYS COME ON

iwaizumi: why are you like this

pinkwolfy uwu: like what

shitabu: annoying

kodzuken: loud

killme: i like them

pinkwolfy uwu: im not annoying or loud yallre just mean 

yamagucci: sure karen

ushijima: Who is Karen?

starboi.kawa: ur mom

iwaizumi: real mature

ushijima: My mother’s name is not Karen?

shitabu: ya he’s messing with you

ushijima: Oh.

matsubrows: oi babe what do u want?

iwaizumi: babe?

matsubrows: babe but platonically

matsubrows: bro but romantically

pinkwolfy uwu: bro…

matsubrows: bro… no homo?

pinkwolfy uwu: bro full homo

iwaizumi: ffs just tell us what u want

pinkwolfy uwu: OH YA

pinkwolfy uwu: lets play truth or dare

iwaizumi: lol

shitabu: no

pinkwolfy uwu: ur opinions r irrelevant bc we’re playing tod

shitabu: bitch

pinkwolfy: dick

shitabu: asshole

matsubrows: titties

nintendou: wakatoshi’s titties~ 

starboi.kawa: wtf ew why would you say that

NOYANOYA: hes got big man boobs

matsubrows: moobs, if u will

pinkwolfy uwu: he wants to show u his shirtless pics

nintendou: u wanna squeeze dem soft pecs

starboi.kawa: i dO NOT THAT IS THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO WITH HIS CHEST

ushijima: Sure, Karen.

starboi.kawa: I DONT WANT TO TOUCH UR CHEST YOU ASS

matsubrows: motorboat him

ushijima: I am not a motor boat?

starboi.kawa: SHUT UP NO GROSS EW BARK BARK GRR

iwaizumi: tf r u doing?

nintendou: hes got a nice ass, too, plump and soft 2 touch

shitabu: how do u even know these things?

nintendou: SO TRUTH OR DARE

yamagucci: we’re gonna play with like 5 of us?

pinkwolfy uwu: @everyone

sugamama: bitch

pinkwolfy uwu: smh can ya’ll be more creative

tanaCAW: fucknugget

NOYANOYA: thundercunt

matsubrows: creampied ass licker

demonsenpai: WOAH HEY

starboi.kawa: twat

iwaizumi: bitchtits

reese’s puff: bitch

creampuff: oh wow you ruined it

reese’s puff: just like im going to ruin peach tits’s face for waking up the entire chat at 3am

matsubrows: lmao

matsubrows has changed pinkwolfy uwu to peachtits

peachtits: dead to me

nintendou: it fits because peaches are furry

nintendou: and u r a furry

peachtits: yeah i got it thx

starboi.kawa: awww peach tits

peachtits: i will destroy u

matsubrows: well, his tits are pink and sweet

sugamama: how do you know this

killme: dont answer that

shitabu: ^

matsubrows: yallve never licked ur homies nipple?

starboi.kawa: no???

tanaCAW: i bet that deeply saddens you

semihard: you have?

NOYANOYA: dont say anything incriminating bro

shitabu: u just did

kubro: i have

sunshinebaby: LUCKYYYYYY

demonsenpai: is it?

demonsenpai: is it really?

brokuto: bro

kubro: bro it tastes rank u might wanna check that out

brokuto: BRO DONT TELL THE ENTIRE FUCKING CHAT THAT

peachtits: widhwisjwjis

sugamama: do… do u need a doctor?

akaashi: I hope the doctor lets you perish.

brokuto: AGASHSHEEE

konohoot: lmao ur titties spoiled

brokuto: NO DONT BELIEVE THAT MY TITTIES ARE FRESH AND RIPE

kiwinishi: what.

kagayama: is it the milk

noshit: what is happening… what is this chat

killme: kageyama. what. the. fuck.

kagayama: it was a serious question

brokuto: NO I DONT HAVE TITTY MILK

kubro: idk m8

sugamama: u should rlly go to a doctor

matsubrows: imagine ur card gets declined @ the drs and he sends u home with rank titmilk

sunshinebaby: NO THATD BE AWFUL

tanaCAW: what can that happen?

peachtits: imagine ur card gets declined at the dentist and they shove ur teeth back in ur gums

nintendou: imagine ur card gets declined at the fire station and they set ur house on fire

kubro: imagine ur card gets declined at the vets and they punch ur cat

starboi.kawa: imagine ur card gets declined at the barber and they glue ur hair back on

brokuto: imagine ur card gets declined 4 the exterminators and he puts the bugs back in ur house

iwaizumi: just call oikawa, he’ll eat them 4 u

starboi.kawa: STOP I DONT EAT BUGS

peachtits: CMON GUYS LETS PLAY TOD

kagayama: whos tod

kagayama: sounds foreign

shitabu: im…

kodzuken: he means truth or dare

sunshinebaby: yeah bakageyama, haven’t you ever played truth or dare?

kagayama: no. have u?

sunshinebaby: shhhhhhhhhhh i asked u, u dont ask back

sugamama: you woke us up. at 3am. for truth or dare.

starboi.kawa: the spirit of iwachan decided it couldnt live looking like a gorilla anymore and possessed refreshing-kun

iwaizumi: the spirit if idiotkawa is about to leave his body

starboi.kawa: (ಥ﹏ಥ)

kubro: lol rip oikawa

reese’s puff: rot in hell

starboi.kawa: MEAN MADDOGCHAN

kagayama: whats truth or dare

killme: ha ha funny

matsubrows: bro can i play tod with the homies

iwaizumi: no

sugamama: no

demonsenpai: absolutely not

noshit: can we go back to bed

peachtits: no <3

starboi.kawa: omg someone just start or he wont stop being annoying

peachtits: aww bby dont u have bugs to eat? ;*

starboi.kawa: STOP SPREADING RUMORS

kubro: bro what bug did u eat

brokuto: i heard crickets taste like chicken

starboi.kawa: i wouldnt KNOW BC I DIDNT EAT ONE

brokuto: imagine he ate a spider

starboi.kawa: SOMEONE JUST START

nintendou: oi semisemi tod?~

tanaCAW: HEY I WANTED TO START

sugamama: thats sucks

semihard: um

semihard: dare

semihard: u better not dare me 2 eat a bug tendou i stg

nintendou: i dare you to pierce ur nipples~

tanaCAW: OHO

iwaizumu: oh

brokuto: WHAT

starboi.kawa: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

jesus: is this allowed- is this allowed???

fukitty: ＼(º □ º l|l)/

matsubrows: ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

semihard: Tendou. What. The. Fuck???

nintendou: a dare is a dare

peachtits: if ur chicken we can just shoot u with paintball guns now?

jesus: thats a rule?????

matsubrows: yes

iwaizumi: we never WENT over the rules what do you mean

peachtits: bitch yall kept complaining

matsubrows: the rules are dont ask anyone anything too personal, too dangerous, or anything rated 18+

peachtits: and if u dont do a dare, truth, or lie u get shot w a paintball gun

matsubrows: ^ that too

semihard: can i get a different dare then since the rules werent established :))

peachtits: no

nintendou: lol

semihard: i dont. want nipple piercings?

shitabu: aww, are you a coward semi-san?

semihard: no i just dont want nipple piercings

yamagucci: theyre hot tho

sugamama: ok chile,,, go 2 bed

demonsenpai: we cant force a dude to get body mods if he doesnt want them?

nintendou: yes we can

semihard: nothing is even open rn

shitabu: cop out

creampuff: get it tomorrow

semihard: fine @creampuff tell ur bf to gimme his piercer’s number

shitabu: wait ur actually doing it

nintendou: YEAS BABEYBAY

creampuff: he’s not my boyfriend

semihard: @shitabu what do u mean?? you called me a coward like 3 mins ago

peachtits: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) funny how u know who hes talkin abt

shitabu: yeah but

creampuff: bc kyoutani got his nose pierced nd we txted the gc about it?

watariswet: where even is kyoutani

creampuff: he’s ko’d

naruto: how do u know

peachtits: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

creampuff: no stop i will block u

semihard: dude idc just give me his #

creampuff: fine whatever

starboi.kawa: u need to send a pic if you do it so we know you didn’t cop out

semihard: sure, i’ll get alien piercings just for you

starboi.kawa: a man after my heart~

shitabu: semi? yikes

iwaizumi: stop

peachtits: lets we continue tod

matsubrows: lets we continue

peachtits: shut it its like 4am

kiwinishi: semi ask

semihard: ask what

kiwinishi: someone

semihard: someone what

kiwinishi: oh. my. god.

iwaizumi: im going to bed

peachtits: NO OR ILL SHOOT U TOMORROW

creampuff: captain tell him im going to bed too

peachtits: CAPTAIN TELL THEM THEY CANT OR SUICIDE LAPS

starboi.kawa: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ srry makki they fell asleep

peachtits: i-

yamagucci: this is a mess

demonsenpai: GOODNIGHT EVERYONE

peachtits: FINE GO SLEEP BUT WE WILL CONTINUE THIS TOMORROW

watariswet: lmao gn

sugamama: ^

semihard: WHAT THIS ISNT EVEN FAIR IM THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS TO DO A DARE AND EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO SLEEP

naruto: lol rip u

tanaCAW: bro hush we tryin to sleep

semihard: NO????

peachtits: @ushijima get ur setter sum sleeps

ushijima: Everyone, please go to bed.

semihard: fine whatever

yamagucci: u not my dad

thighchi: GO TO SLEEP

sugamama: yes daddy

demonsenpai: sighs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, im not dead, yikes 😳
> 
> bruv yall should comment some fun truths and/or dares for a character of ur liking 4 the next chapter


End file.
